What John Mulaney told Conan O’Brien about getting back on stage

Conan O’Brien had a great episode with John Mulaney.

A GREAT story from Mike Birbiglia

Damon Wayans on the slap

A comedian got engaged via Chicken McNuggets

I’m Johnny Mack with your daily comedy news to deceive during the week, that former president Trump mistakenly endorsed J D Mandell for Senate. Normally not a big deal, but the guy’s name is JD Vance fans. His opponent is Josh. Mondell see what he did there. Yeah. Seth Meyer said, this guy can’t even be bothered to remember the names of the people he’s endorsing.

He went from JP to JD Mendell. If he kept talking, he would have endorsed JK rallying. This is how much you have to forfeit your dignity to succeed in today’s Republican party. You have to grovel and debase yourself to earn the endorsement of a guy who can’t even remember your name that’s bad enough.

But then he said, JD Mandela will win. Or my name isn’t Donald Vance. Great guy. JP Morgan is great. Can’t say enough about JC penny. I don’t think you can. We love you. J lo we love. I’m not sure if it’s a reading endorsement when you’re like, I fully support what’s his face. He’s the best. Trump said even the best leaders make mistakes.

Sometimes like our great president Aber, George Lincolnton, Trevor Noah, you could see the crowd was looking like, oh man, they look like parents watching their kid bombing and a spelling. I feel bad for JD vans. Cause now he’s going to have to change his name to P J D Mondell. Cause if you’re Republican, Trump’s never wrong at the GOP Starbucks, whatever name Trump calls you that’s you J J J J D JP Mendell.

Yeah, that’s me. I’ll take it.

It was a busy week. I didn’t get to tell you how much I enjoyed John Malaney, his appearance on Conan O’Brien’s podcast. I recommend you stop listening to me right now and go listen to that. And then you can come back. He can finish this episode, but go listen to Conan. And Malaney was very, very funny. They did a bit about cookie monster that I don’t want to spoil, but once you listen to it and the cookie monster bit had me giggling in the car and I’m still thinking about it.

Malaney, his new act is called from scratch. And he said, yeah, he just started getting up on stage. He thought he had about an hour’s worth of stories and things he wanted to. They started workshopping and onstage. He’d sold Conan. I knew this would make me feel better getting up on stage at night. And then I also had a very real like, and this is gross.

I feel like my skin has been peeled off. I was still kind of going through some chemical withdrawal, which lasts longer than you think. So I just wasn’t comfortable. And it was a little nervous talking to friends and seeing people for the first time just for dinner or something was strange.

So I didn’t feel, you know, stage ready. I know shaky for a little bit. Then I started go, well, I’m getting Nancy in this different way now. And I think because I want to go out and be a comedian, his first few sets were vulnerable and dark.

I started getting on stage in may of 21 and just doing an hour. I had a bunch of areas in stories I want to try. So I think I had the time and I thought I can cover 60 minutes of sock, but it was really from scratch. That’s the name of the tour I wanted to convey to the audience that this is all going to be new.

It could be rough, not Polish or that side at all. And the first few shows were not tight at all. And then God, someone reviewed the first one. They said it was open and vulnerable and dark. And I thought, well, I literally was just institutionalized.

He’s glad he took some time before he returned to the stage. I think maybe I had some zoom college shows that I sort of smartly didn’t do.

And by the time those dates at the city winery, this really nice venue on the side of the highway there in New York, once those rolled around and just kinda the first time, it made sense to go there. Other than it just go to the comedy cellar, where they had plastic literally was kind of the first time made sense.

They get on stage.

I’m now sort of at this place where my mom would love so much. She’ll look at my tour schedule and be like, I’m concerned. You’re at so much right now, is this stressful on a, like, this is one of the greatest times in my life, and this is the best thing for me. . It’s so I don’t know if right now it’s cathartic so much as it’s a joy to be out so fun that people come out so nice.

Like everyone had a very challenging couple of years. Like everyone’s out together. It’s the best. It feels great. He also told a story. I liked a lot about when he was a writer on SN. He and his writing partner, Simon rich decided they would be the ones to write the opening monologues because the monologues never get cut.

It’s talked about Simon Richie said my first week at SNL, he comes up to me and he goes, we’re going to write the monologue every week because no one writes the monologue and he can’t cut the monologue. They got so used to writing the monologue. they developed a shorthand. Simon used to call it. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you very much. It’s great to be hosting. Saturday night, live F seven.

Conan talked about the repetitive rhythms. O’Brian called it hamburger helper. They started telling a story about when you have somebody who’s not good at the monologue. S and I never realized this till they explain it. SNL goes into the thing where the audience starts interrupting your monologue to ask funny questions and you don’t have to do much.

That’s when they got to the cookie monster bit. Trust me, go listen to it. Mike Birbiglia, he was hosting for Kimmel during the week. He told the Chicago Tribune about his worst. He said a few years into my career. This may be 2005. I got asked to perform comedy at a charity celebrity golf tournament, New Jersey.

It was at a cancer research benefit, perfectly wonderful cause. And one of the challenging things about combination we’re often asked to perform it in places where maybe it doesn’t belong. And this event was a misfit all along. Earlier in the day, I was supposed to play golf with these two strangers because it was a celebrity golf tournament.

The first thing they say to me is who do you think our celebrity is going to be? And I said, oh, no, I think it might be me some apologizing to these people. I’m like, really? Sorry, I’m your celebrity. If this is disappointing for you, you can’t imagine how disappointing it is for me.

I brought my brother Joe along because he loves golf. I was really inexperienced at the time and I didn’t bring another outfit to get changed into for the evening. So I played golf during the day and there was a banquet and I’m wearing muddy, dirty wrinkled golf khakis and a collared shirt and sambal it’s messy and sweaty.

I’m in a locker room. Irony my pants, trying to do temperature control in the situation. I already felt bad, but I was going to do the best I could. So I go to the banquet room and the person insurance says, they’re going to be two speakers. And then you, and then a raffle. And I said, well, that’s exciting.

I’ve never opened for a raffle. First speaker goes up, he’s a boy who survived leukemia. And he’s very inspiring and everybody’s crying including me, but I’m crying for two reasons, one for the kid, but also for me, cause I have to do comedy after him. My brother Joe leans over and goes, this ain’t looking so good.

Mike, the second speaker was legendary, New York giants quarterback, Phil, since. And he’s also very inspiring, even sprinkled in a few jokes about golf that were similar to jokes that I had thought of earlier in the day, he gets a standing out and I’m thinking clearly the show’s over the room sorta cleared out half a third of the audience left.

Cause there can’t be anyone more famous than Superbowl MVP, Phil Sims. But wait, it’s Mike Birbiglia.

, I think some comedians might’ve been able to rise to the challenge. I was not one of them, maybe I would say today, but I was not at the time. I’d go up there and bombing. I’m not connecting at all. I don’t think Atlanta. And I think to myself, why don’t I cater my material to the specific event, actual Johnny Mac reaction as I’m reading this?

Oh no. Per bigs. I have a personal experience with cancer, which I talk about my new show, the old man of the pool. I had bladder cancer when I was 20. So I did joke about that. I went to the doctor and they told me there was something in my bladder and whatever. They’d tell you that it’s never anything good.

Like we found something in your bladder. It’s season tickets to the Yankees. It did not get any laughter. At that point I threw in the towel, I’d failed doing my act. I’d failed at making specific to the events I’m supposed to do 20 minutes. And I did probably seven or eight. So I thanked the audience and simultaneously apologized.

I was so upset. I said to my brother, we’re leaving. And Joe said, Mike, we can’t, they’re just about to start the raffle. And because everybody left, my odds are amazing. Great story, Mike Birbiglia.

So that night, and I’m not making this up. Jill won a bunch of raffle items, golf club covers and umbrellas. And he’s carrying this stuff out to the parking lot with me and people are going you’re the comedian from the event as we’re holding all these raffle items, like not only at I failed, but I pulled the one over on them.

Winning raffled, sick. Ah, you always. thinking of that as the worst gig ever had. Fundamentally I want to deliver for the people to show up my number one fear as a performer is that the audience will be disappointed. And I feel like what I gave them was exponential disappointment.

Oh, what a great story I’m taking the break here. Cause nothing will top that.

Damon, weigh-ins talk to market.com about will Smith. You know, the slap. Yeah. Damon said, I’d talk about it a little bit in my set. I’m not going to go all the way there, but I think that by trying to take your name out of one person’s mouth, now you put your wife’s name and everybody’s mouth comedians are terrorists.

Now everybody’s got a will Smith, Chris rock joke, you know, jaded. What would he have done? He said, if somebody is walking up on my stage, I know you’re not coming up to give me five. Like at a point you got to go, oh, he’s coming to army. You gotta protect yourself. That was me. I got an elbow for you. It’s a fight.

You come on my stage. We fighting. We, you jokes. That’s what we do. You don’t go to a comedy show and be mad when they tell you jokes. That’s what you’re there for.

I think people in their right mind know better. I don’t think people are going to go. I’m going to get up and slap you.

As for Willy said, I think the pressure of 30 years of being excellent, that’s hard to do the man just snapped. You got to check your strong friends. Something was wrong from the snap and forget about what he’s been working towards for 30 years.

Let’s see who’s at Netflix tonight. I’m going to miss doing this. This has been fun.

Seven o’clock John Malaney, special guest earthquake pan Oswaldo seven Giovanni seven, Amy Schumer’s seven. Let her in at.

Phil Wang at seven eight, o’clock gave a glacier. That’s a Dodger stadium, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler and conversation. The late shows the drop-in hosted by Jeff Ross at nine. Andrew Santino Letterman again, Phil Wang. Again, I can’t remember. Did we go see Letterman the other night? I think we did.

I think we did, if we didn’t, we’re going to see Letterman, but I think we did. So let’s see for the early show. Should we see Malanie Patton?

You’re going to be mad if I make you go see Phil Wang, Nick Paton, we can see on TV he’s everywhere and Malaney. I feel like we have a handle on let’s. Go see Phil Wang. And then for the late.

I’m tempted to say the drop-in hosted by Jeff Ross, but that’s a free event outdoors in Hollywood palladium. And I don’t know how much of a good lineup you get at a free event.

The improv has a show at nine 30. All right, let’s scratch this. Let’s see Phil Wang at nine 30. That opens up the early slot. Why not? , let’s go see Malanie Malanie and Phil Wang. Those are your choices for tonight.

One of the shows I did not pay because it’s seven o’clock, it’s a Metro drew Hari. She spoke to the LA times about standing up, making a friends laugh and sexual fantasy. Yes. I just got your attention. It’s an hour long show that I’ve slowly been developing over the band. DEMEC she says I really was not feeling super funny or fun.

And then I started working on this essay where I talk about what my sexual fantasy would be. Hmm. Are you ready? It’s a nice day outside and wearing a cute outfit. The day is going really well. And it doesn’t have much to do with sex for a lot of it. It was just this kind of fun side project. And then I started performing it.

When shows started happening again, I was having so much fun writing it and it kept getting more surreal and elaborate. It’s the longest piece of solo work that I’ve done, but it’s still very much in the same vein of what I think is funny, which is surreal and absurd and silly and perverted, but then really, really sweet.

That’s my dream, something that’s so vulgar, but also, you know, as heart and makes you laugh. Now, I want to know what it is.

Billy Connolly will be given the BAFTA fellowship award at the BAFTA TV awards. Tomorrow.

Connelly said I’m deeply honored 50 films, and I can’t remember how many TV shows as well as my stage comedy added up to something. That’s a joy to look back on a lovely thing. It’s lovely to be recognized to become a jolly good. Billy Connolly currently lives in the U S he’ll accept his award via video link and congratulations to Aaron chin, Aaron chin proposed to his girlfriend, Esther at McDonald’s that’s right.

The comedian is 26 years old. He revealed on Instagram. He popped the question with a ring hidden inside of a box of chicken McNuggets. How are mantic? I bet she’s thrilled. He captured the hilarious post. Congratulations to me. I’m engaged. That’s your comedy news for today. Follow the show for free on apple podcast, Spotify, Google podcasts, overcast we’re on Pandora.

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I need coffee guys. See you tomorrow.