🎙️ Listen to this episode:
Full Transcript
Caloroga Shark Media. Hello, I’m Schrodinger. Sure, Johnny Mack It’s face. Daily Comedy News, a daily briefing on stand up comedy comedians on the comedy industry. A sentence that the algorithm loves.
So I don’t know if I have Jerry duty or not. So I’m taping Thursday and Friday back to back. Today is political. If you don’t like politics, you can skip today. I’ll remind you yesterday I did like five minutes on John Mulaney beer.
Okay, but today we are serious because it was the State of the Union. I like this thing Tim Dillon posted on Facebook prior to the State of the Union. Here’s how Tim envisioned it going. I think this is brilliant. Trump points to Eric Kirk, who seated in the balcony.
She stands up and takes out a mike. She begins to sing a song no one understands. Trump is swaying to the beat. He says she’s top notch. Then Trump says, we bombed a round five minutes ago.
Eric is now singing louder and the words don’t make any Since Trump reprimands her, it says he doesn’t you got to build on the chorus. Then Jeffrey Epstein and Julaane Maxwell stand up a mix of cheers and booze. Trump says, you too have caused me a lot of trouble. They both laugh. Aoc rolls her eyes, a Dominatrix quawk, shirtless, Lindsey grahmman on a leash.
Graham Yell’s death is the one true God. Erica Kirk is now scream singing to the point where everyone is uncomfortable. Trump is shaking his head, saying she’s blowing at big time. Then Trump brings in the little kid from the last State of the Union, saying he’s in ice now, and everyone cheers pretty much. If you’ve never listened to Tim Dylan, that’s what Tim does on the late night shows, Jimmy Kimmel said of the State of the Union, UoN was angry, right, It was an angry speech.
The theme of the speech was all foreigners are murderers. Trump said zero illegal aliens had been allowed in the United States on his watch, but the door’s always open to those who come in to be his next wife. So that’s something Jimmy Kimmel continued, And you can send your letters to Jimmy Kimmel, we have a nut job want to be king who’s doing everything he can sense her opinions he doesn’t want to hear. He has his goons arresting, of course, and killing American citizens. He’s got funding for cancer research and children’s hospitals.
He’s gut funding for cancer research and children’s hospitals while he breaks in literally billions of dollars for himself and his family. He’s protecting pedophiles and won’t explain it. He’s lining the pockets of billionaires, all while neglecting the sick, the poor, the hungary. In the name of Jesus. By the way, you can read all about in a Donald Trump edition of the God Bless the USA Bible.
It is made in China and available for ninety nine ninety nine. That is the state of the Union. Kimmel added, the speech went on so long Christy Nomes’s dog shot himself. Stephen Colbert was live after the show. He joked that he dropped an edible and strapped in.
Colbert described the state of the Union as according to Trump’s team, the official theme of the speech was America at two fifty strong, prosperous and respected, though, if you have to say you’re strong, prosperous, or and respected, it kind of feels like you’re not. Colbert noted Trump looked a little tired, but his hair was nice and fluffy. Yet did you notice that as the President was walking in it was kind of uh, kind of could have used a brush, Colbert said, Personally, I think he could have kept his head in the cotton candy machine a little bit longer. Jimmy Fallon with his Biting Edge commentary noted that Trump’s speech focused on his major accomplishments, and when those eight seconds were up, he just riffed for an hour and a half. Wow, even Fallon getting in on the president of the United States.
Falon said, And if you didn’t want to watch Trump, there was an alternative State of the Union with bad Bunny instead. Yeah. Trump walked into the Capitol where he saw members of the House, Senate, and Supreme Court and was like, oh crap, is this an intervention? Second joke. Trump was greeted by the House, Senate, Supreme Court, and he said, wow, everyone, I ate in one room.
Amazing. Fallon said, it was basically two hours of Trump telling us how great he is. I feel like we’ve been getting that State of the Union address every day since he took office. You know who to send your letters to. Tomorrow’s fun.
Okay, I’m taping back to back. No politics tomorrow, actually a little politics. They asked Conan about politics. That’s tomorrow. I’m shroudingers Drewer.
Did I survive to see Scrubs last night? Who knows? None of us know? I pretape this at what time? Is it?
One thirteen in the afternoon? Hopefully I made it to eight o’clock? Who knows? Is Friday the last episode ever? Did I like Scrubs?
Am I on a jury? Who knows? If everything goes according to plans, Saturday’s episode will be guessed Pete Holmes unless the United States District Court decides they would rather me talk to them than talk to Pete Holmes and will feel very bad if I have to cancel on Pete Holmes. So let’s hope you tune in Saturday and hear Pete Holmes, at which point you would know I lived long enough to see Scrubs come back. I digress.
Did you see the USA men’s hockey team gold winners beat those Canadians? Making the people up in Moose Antler’s British Columbia. Pretty sad the USA, USA, USA, the hockey team came by the State of the Union. Michael ian Black on social media posted one day at least some of these hockey players will have to explain to their children why they allowed themselves to be used by a fascist. Bill Maher jokingly called for the end of the State of the Union this on last week’s A Real Time mar said, nothing has misled the American people to the warp belief that the president can act like a king more than this stupid, boring performative after dinner speech from hell, with members of Congress lining the aisle like medieval peasants hoping to touch the royal garments.
Then he proceeds to tell Congress what he wants them to do, making it look like the president’s in charge of everything and it’s he who sets the agenda. But that’s not what it says in the opening manual, you know the Constitution. Bill Maher said that he will not tours a stand up. The seventy year old is concerned about the political anger out there and worried he might get quote unquote assassinated due to the political climate. On The Club Random podcast February twenty third, while talking to guest John Mellencamp, Mars said, I never wanted to make an announcement because maybe I’ll go back, but it doesn’t seem like it now.
First of all, I wouldn’t want to be on the road right now. I feel like I got off the road at a very good time. There’s just so much political anger out there. I could get shot from either side. They could get together and have a joint assassination.
You know, they all have a reason to get me. I mean, I just want to want to be out there in the atmosphere we live in today. I mean, it’s just chippy out there. Later in the podcast, Bill Maher said he fears Democrats less than Republicans. Despite being unhappy with the Democrats, mar said, Yeah, there’s a certain wook part of this country that hates me that refuse to just let them get away with insanity that they never used to try before and never used to say things like that before.
But in general I find them of the Democrats less alarming than the Republicans and the Conservatives who don’t believe in con seating elections. Lots of other basic democratic stuff. But yes, I think both sides have to be called out. Bill wanted you to notice he was criticizing both parties and said, and I live in Hollywood. This town does not believe that.
They do not believe in calling out both sides. A little kerf fluffel in Houston, The House of Blues in Houston booked a show called The Right Side of Comedy. It’s not until June twelfth. The Right Side of Comedy would feature three conservative comics. People on social media are sad.
One person posted on Instagram hosting this is so embarrassing. The marketing for the show is aimed at conservatives. They’re calling it the Gulf of America tour. Comedian Kenny Webster had both said on Facebook, I promised you all a big announcement for the twenty twenty six Texas GOP Convention exactly one block from the convention on Friday, June twelfth. This will be the biggest party of the event.
Our social media responses, one person wrote uncensored, unwoke, unapologetic, unfunny. Kenny Webster wrote, the Right Side of Comedy is a show that laughs at itself as much as others. We might lean a little of the right, but a lot of our jokes are aimed at Republicans. SNL creator Lauren Michaels once famously said his show pokes fun at the GOP more often than dims because Democrats tend to ticket. Personally, Republicans think it’s funny if people on social media are upset about our event.
That really proves Lauren’s point. We don’t mind when people host pro LGBTQ plus theme comedy shows or other left leaning events. Why should we comedy before politics. Well, there was a follow up to that. Kenny Webster in the Houston Chronicle wrote, when my buddies Jesse Payton, Alex Stein and I hatched the plan host the Right Side of Comedy the Gulf of America tour at the House of Blues this June, we thought we were geniuses.
The Republican State Convention will conveniently be happening right next door, filled with attendees ready to buy tickets for a conservative stand up. We pictured a packed house of folks who get our style EDGI but not evil, making fun of everybody, including ourselves. We booked it, posted the fly, and went back to whatever losers like us do. Then the internet happened. Liberals saw the event posted on the House of Blues website and lost their minds.
It was like we’d announced a show called Kicking Puppies for the GOP instead of just three dudes telling jokes. Next thing, you know, my favorite local newspaper Round a story about the controversy, and conservative swarmed the comments section with their own flavor of outrage. They weren’t mad at us, thank god, but at the lips for being mad and a Houston chronicle for covering the story. He continues in this day and age, getting canceled for comedies practically right of passage. Kevin Hart lost his Oscars gig over decade old tweets that were dumb but not evil.
Yeah, I forgot that happened. That was the thing, wasn’t it. Shane Gillis got bounced from SNL before even landed a dressing room because of his old podcast bits. Dave Chappelle had Netflix staff walking out over trans jokes. Gilbert Godfried lost his role voicing the affleck up for being Gilbert Godfried.
If I recall correctly, that was after his post nine to eleven joke. Sarah Silverman and Amy Schumer had to grovel over old satirical bits. The problems there were punchlines, not hate crimes. None of those come needs for bad guys. At worst, they were just not that funny.
But apparently it’s easier to get folks upset about bad comedians or in my case, an excellent comedian and his two friends, then about things that actually matter. I like this an next section, but here’s the part that the clinically online canceled crowd conmediately ignores. Jesse, Alex and I do a ton of charity work with our shows and events. We’ve raised money for veterans, local causes, to children with cancer at the Sunshine Kids you name it, Operation Comedy Therapy benefit nights where tickets go to good stuff, help support disabled military veterans, at wheelchairs for warriors, or fine homes for shelter dogs at Citizens for Animal Protection. Even if you don’t like our politics, even if you incorrectly you believe our jokes aren’t funny, you gotta admit that we’re actually trying to do some good in the world.
They had some more podcast awards. Now I can’t get excited about podcast awards. There are podcast awards, maybe once a week, maybe three times a week. There’s just too many everybody in podcasting. Can we just stop with the award shows?
We don’t need five thousand of them? Okay? The Ampies had podcast Awards. ConA and O’Brien won Best Comedy Podcast. He also won Best Ad Read.
Whatever Comedy Survivor continues today as the last day to vote for what are we in? Week seven? Week eight? I lost track? What you do is you go to the Facebook group Daily Comedy News Podcast Group.
There you will find a drawing of me extinguishing the torture of Jim Gaffigan. You’ll see a list of who is still in the game, and you can vote one of those comedians off Still in the Game Nikki Glaser, Kevin Hart, John Mlaniosco, At Kotzka, Sebastian Manascalco Signataro, Sarah Silverman, Leslie Jones, and Bert Kreischer. What you do is you write down a name and you say I’d like to vote off whoever. Make it super clear so we don’t have one of them there controversies. We don’t need that Comedy Survivor in the Facebook group Daily Comedy News Podcast Group.
You know what’s back? Actual Survivor. I had no idea because Scrubs and Jackie Kashin and Pete Holmes and The Knicks and the State of the Union. There’s a lot of TV going on this week. But yeah, last night Actual Survivor came back.
And the reason I noticed it was Jeff probst when on the Tonight Show at Jimmy Fallon. So see that a good promotional appearance, because otherwise I would have a week from now went wait, Survivor was on. We learned on the Tonight show starring Jimmy Fallon that Jeff Probsed is finally putting himself into the shoes of the contestants. In the Survivor of fifty teaser, several famous Survivor fans, including musicians Zach Brown and Billie Eilish, social media personality Mister Beast, and Jimmy Fallon himself are involved somehow in this new Survivor fifty season. Probes to explain the theme of this season is in the hands of the fans, And in the back of my mind, I thought, man, there’s some really cool famous Survivor fans.
I wonder if they would want to be part of it. Propes to remember last time he was on the Tonight show. Fallon told them you should compete on the show, and Probe said I will if you will, and we shook on it, and that night is when I decided we should have a few celebrities. Hmm. We didn’t get too much out of Probes.
He said, I am a man of my word. I’ll just leave it at that. Fun was like, do you compete? Prope said, I’ll just leave it at that. It’s enough of a tease.
Fallon continued, Jeff Probes can be Survivor. Prope said, yeah, I do. Was only fitting that I’ve talked so much smack for so many years that I finally compete. And I’m not gonna say how it went. I’ll to say I have a lot of respect for the players.
Hmmm. Survivor Season fifty, not to be confused with completely legally distinct parody comedy. Survivor got a lot of TV to watch. The Pit. You like the pit, I love the pit.
My wife loves the pit. Boy Between Scrubs and the Pit, we’re gonna be like a couple watching TV together twice a week. What are we? Newly Weeds? Been twenty years since that happened.
You’ve been married for a while. Hey, I’m going downstairs see in two hours. People in their thirties and they were like, that’s horrible, they’re not in love anymore. And the people in their fifties like, yeah, I get it. I didn’t realize the person on the pit playing the American Sign Language interpreter is comedian Mosha Kasher.
I didn’t put that together at all. There was a quick scene the minorist of spoilers. There’s a patient who is deaf. Mosha Kasher, the interpreter signs happy to be here, and then the scene ends and that’s always see if Mosha Kasher. But Kasher wrote on it in Instagram.
Thus begins the saga of Jacob the Interpreter. Interestingly, in real life, Casher is a child of deaf parents, which resulted in him becoming a certified ASL interpreter. In real life, Casher said every child of deaf adults has essentially the same experience, which is a fifteen year non consensual Sign Language Interpretation internship training program. Apparently, the son of TV’s John Oliver is upset that baseball player Pete Alonso left the New York Mets for the Baltimore Orioles. The Baltimore Orioles posted this clip from Pete Alonso addressing John oliver Son’s concerns.
Hey, what’s up, John. It’s Pete Alonso here. So I saw what your son had to say about being upset of me signing with the Earls, but hey, he can always become an O’s fan. Would love to extend an invitation to you and your family to come down to Camden for a game this year, and you guys can get out on the field for batting practice and hopefully you guys come down, have some fun and hope to see you soon. Go ohs.
You may have seen that Martin Schwart’s daughter, Katherine Elizabeth Schwart passed away earlier in this week. Because of that, obviously, Martin Short and collaborator Steve Martin have postponed dates for their tour. The Milwaukee Miller HIGHLFE Theater posted just a very clean statement saying, due to unforeseen circumstances, Steve Martin and Martin Schwart’s show, originally scheduled for Friday, February twenty seventh in Milwaukee, has been postponed. Catherine was the eldest of three children Martin Short, adopted with his late wife Nancy. A representative for Short put out a statement saying, it is with profound grief that we confirmed the passing of Catherine Hartly Short.
The Short family is devastated by this loss and asked for privacy at this time. Catherine was beloved by all and will be remembered for the light and joy she brought into this world. Catherine Short was forty two years old that your comedy needs for today