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Caloroga Shark Media. Happy Saturday. I’m Johnny Mack with your Daily Comedy News, the daily Briefing on stand up comedy comedians in the comedy industry. A sentence the algorithm loves A couple of good jokes from late night. During the week, SETH Meyers said, the Army increased its maximum enlistment age from thirty five to forty two.
One drill instructor said, drop and give me four sets of five. Great joke. Josh Johnson said, that doesn’t sound like the war is over. This is very confusing. Should I or shouldn’t I go to Times Square in my sailor outfit to kiss random women.
Early in the week, the President of the United States deployed ice agents to help with those pesky long TSA lines at the airports. What a nightmare, Kimmel said. Somehow Trump found a way to make the airport even worse than it was. He then asked, what do you think the last time he was even on a commercial flight or in an airport nineteen eighty nine. Good point.
He tagged that with snakes have been on al Lane more recently than Donald Trump. Love it, Kim Will said, one DH official told CBS, I have no idea what we’re doing, and neither does he, so welcome to the club. John Stewart said, Oh, we’re sending Ice agents to calm the situation. It makes perfect sense. It’s kind of like the way we calm our dogs during thunderstorms with a blanket of fireworks.
John. Again, Ice isn’t trained on X rays, No surprise. They don’t really seem to be trained on anything. Actually, did you watch Yankees Opening Day on Netflix? There?
People did. People did not enjoy Bert Krascher at all. No surprise. I had predicted that. We told you last week on Comedy stock Market to sell you Bert.
On The Dan Lebttard Show, Dan said, Bert Krascher can’t annoy people. Bert Krascher on your baseball broadcast is not something I would do if Dennis Miller and Tony Kornheiser don’t work on Monday Night football. A comedian around baseball is just simply not going to work on the broadcast given what the customer base is awful Announcing wrote, Bert Krescher was in a kayak in McCovey Cove because he’s contractually obligated to appear on every live Netflix sporting event, and incredibly, he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Bro Biole come piled some social media reactions. One person wrote, is Bird Krascher the least funny successful comic of all time?
I would have to think about that. I’m gonna say no, you know who I’m gonna say right in case you don’t. Adam Sandler, the great traumatic actor, not funny at all. Another person wrote how much longer do we have to pretend Bird Krascher’s funny? A third I’m always for fun man, but honestly, I ate all this pregame intro tile stuff MLB started doing recently.
I don’t want Bird Krascher yelling in my ear. Bro, please get on with the game. Another person wrote, imagine paying fifty million dollars for MLB and then spending an entire half inning showing Bird Krascher in a kayak. One more. Nothing says MLB opening Night like Bird Krascher’s screaming at you.
My mets are one to Oh that was just a random thing I said in the middle of the comedy podcast. So it turns out Bill Moore is getting the Mark Twain Prize after all. Remember I told the other day, I couldn’t figure out what was real or not. Remember somebody said he was and then the White House said he wasn’t. Well, this is gonna shock you.
The White House may have tried to mislead you. I know, I know you’re like John. The White House doesn’t do that. Well, apparently this one time they did. Bill Maher said in a statement, thank you to the Mark Twain people.
I just had the award explain to me, and apparently it’s like an Emmy, except I win. And that is the kind of humor that makes Bill Maher deserve the Mark Twain Prize. Last year, you may remember, it was Conan O’Brien and it was a bit of a love fest. So we’ll see if Netflix tapes this thing and all the comedians come out and say how awesome Bill Maher is and we get a special out of it, we’ll see. Now.
What I love is all the press coverage I’ve seen about this is talking about how it’s going to take place at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. No other alternate name was mentioned. Everybody’s just calling it the Kennedy Center. Good job, everybody.
Now. Earlier in the week, the White House had said this is fake news. Bill Maher will not be getting this award. Now, I don’t know why Carolyn Levitt, the White House Press Secretary, would have said that. Did she believe that Bill Maher would not be getting the award or was she trying to mislead us from the truth.
And if the White House Press Secretary is misleading us from the truth about Bill Maher, what else might she be misleading us about. I’ll leave that to someone else. How many people have just unfollowed the podcast for the rest of you. How you doing well? The New York Times asked the administration about this, and an administration official said this was false reporting at the time of The Atlantic’s reporting, but the situation changed after further conversations took place between the Kennedy Center and event organizers over the past week.
So here’s what I think happened. Somebody out of nowhere made up a crazy, unsubstantial rumor that said, hey, we should give the Mark Twain Prize to Bill Maher. Now, the White House was like, no, we’re not doing that, that’s not true. That’s fake news. Then after they read the fake news, they were like, you know, but if the fake news wasn’t fake.
What if we gave it to Bill Maher. See that’s where the idea came from. It came from the fake news.
And then they’re like, no, that’s actually a good idea.
Jeffrey Goldberg from the Atlantic responded to all this and said the Atlantic reported first and accurately that Bill Maher was going to receive the Mark Twain Prize. The White House’s obfuscation strategy is not effective. Previous winners of the More Twoin award include Conan O’Brien, David Letterman, Richard Pryor, George Carlin, John Stewart, Whoope Goldberg, Bob Newhart. At one point, Bill Cosby, don’t ask questions, just just ignore that one.
And now Bill Maher, famous comedian, who’s still here.
He’s still here. I’m a little fed. Up with the non sense case you can’t tell. I’m a little fed up. Mark Norman.
He’s avoided of getting canceled twice already. This week he got up with the La Times. They liked the special. He said, appreciate you for watching. Nobody wants to watch anything now.
I’m really excited. The specials a joke. I don’t know every fifteen to twenty seconds. So if you hate a joke, just remember there’s one right after it, and it’s all jokes and a lot of it isn’t even real. So if you get too upset, just realize half the stuff is just made up for the sake of humor.
Just try and enjoy it and don’t yell at me that reminds me. At some point this week, I had this lofty plan that I was going to pull a bunch of clips to show how personally I found the one liner after one liner after one liner to just be fatiguing. And we had a very friendly discussion in the Facebook group Daily Comedy News podcast group about this, and I was gonna pull some clips and I just didn’t get to it. While we’re on that subject, I had to run a very unexpected errand on Wednesday afternoon, and that meant my production week got all thrown off. I haven’t had a chance to watch Scrubs yet, so that’s why I haven’t reviewed yet.
So at some point I low the straight what I mean by normand the La Times was curious did they deliberately put the special out on Saint Patrick’s Day? Because Saint Patrick’s Day is a huge thing in New Orleans, and Mark said, oh my god, I wish we had put that much into it, but no, we’re idiots. That was just the day they gave me. And I’m too scared to push back because everybody wants to be on Netflix. Actually recorded my last special on Saint Patti’s Day in Chicago, and that was a huge mistake.
It’s like this weird curse now. Mark went on to say, but New Orleans throws down for sinko to myle Mother’s Day, Ramadan, I mean, we’ll get drunk for any reason.
Speaking of getting drunk, Nate Pergatzi said he learned an important lesson …
As Nate tells it, Rob told Howard, you think alcoholism is like you’re waking up drinking shots of vodka. I liked when Rob Low said it wasn’t just this extreme thing where you’re like, I’m drinking twenty four hours a day. Nate said, I never drink at home. When I was home, I’d never crack a beer open and have a beer or something. Never in a million.
But it’s like when I was out with friends, I didn’t know how to stop. You just get going, and then it was like it had its own momentum. I heard Rob Low say, it was like this addiction thing to it. You think it’s just driving off a cliff in a car, but it’s like there’s so many levels of it, and you think there’s a person worse than you, and so that’s what makes you think you don’t have something. You don’t have a problem.
I knew if I wanted to get where I wanted to get, alcohol was in the way. He says. These days, food is the one I have now, and that’s the one I’m working on. That’s been the hardest for me to get going, Like the eating. I like fast food, I like all this stuff, and you get stressed and then you end up going to it.
It’s tough. From the Louisville. Courier, they report that Kevin James was spotted at the Krueger. It is unclear why Kevin James was at the Krueger in Shepherdsville. Corporate affairs manager Jessica Sharp tells the Louisville Courier that Kevin James stop by the Kroger on the one hundred block of Adam Shepard Parkway, you know the one, and he was with another comedian.
Now, the Louisville Courier did not share who the other comedian was with Kevin James at the Kruger. Who do you think it was? I don’t know either. We are told Kevin James purchased retisserie Chickens and took photos with fans. A guy named Ricky happened to be there.
Ricky said, Kevin James is a very nice dude. I mentioned earlier. I didn’t get to watch Scrubs yet, so no Scrubs recap yet. Sorry, you were the best I can, but I got to watch Scrubs to review it. I will try and get that in asap.
However, Hailey Fest LA has announced that on Saturday, April eleventh, the Scrubs cast will be there attending our Judy Rayscarla Johns McGinley, doctor Cox, Neil Flynn as the janitor interesting as he doesn’t appear in season one or season ten or whatever we’re calling the reboot, and Christa Miller, who plays Jordan. They will be there at Paley Fest La, moderated by Vanessa Bear. Interesting. Oh, I wanted to tell you my car was almost stolen this morning. Now it wasn’t It wasn’t that scary.
So, as you know, I go to the National Donuts chain every morning and I get a large iced coffee with caramel and milk. Here’s the remnants right here. And as I’m going in, there’s this nice older gentleman and we pass on the door and he offers to hold the door for. Me, and I’m like, no, I got it, Come on out. And he comes out and we you know, say good morning and all that, and I go in and get my coffee and I come out and I walk back to my car, which I hadn’t locked.
That’s on me, and he’s sitting in my car and I’m like, huh no, this is a nice older man. And I start waving at him and he waves back, and then I’m like, am I crazy? And I checked the license plate. I’m like, nope, this is my car. So I had a knock on the window and be like, sir, this is my car.
He apologized, and then realized his similar car, which was a similar color but not the same make at all, was elsewhere in the parking lot. So he got out and I got in the car, which was not stolen bus thinking, you know, if he had tried to start it with the push button when my keyfob was, you know, halfway between the National Dota chain of the car, he could have stolen my a car. Hannah Gasby caught up with a guardian in Hannah’s free stand up special woof, Hannah is a sock puppet. The guardian was curious why. Hannah said, I got sick of being seen.
Well, okay, there’s a lot of different reasons. I’m a little bit of seeing myself reflected, and there’s a lot of stand up now and it all looks the same. People don’t watch stand up comedy anymore. It’s usually the second or third screen. I understand, second screen, third screen.
All right, so you have Hannah’s on the TV, you got your phone out, you’re scrolling. What would the third screen be doing? I know I’m old, but am I that old? Are you guys doing third screens? Now?
Anna says, it’s going on in the background. So that’s why I did an album. If you’re not gonna watch it, why bother filming the whole thing? Kind of my opinion on video podcasting. Yeah, I’ll tell you what I’m wearing right now, a baseball hat, a fleece and gray sweatpants, and I haven’t shaved yet.
You don’t want to see this? Why would you want to look at that? It’s a guy in a basement reading comedy headlines about Hannah Gadsby’s sock puppet. Nobody needs to see this, Hannah says, in a sock puppet, I wanted something homemade, as we’re entering the era of AI slot, But I feel queasy when I watch that. What the Internet has taught me is we’ll watch anything and it doesn’t have to be high quality.
Oh wait, maybe a. Fifty six year old guy who hasn’t shaved wearing a baseball hat and a fleece and gray sweatpants. Maybe you guys would be like, hey, I’d watch that. I don’t know, Hannah said, So I thought, how about if I make something that anyone could make, sort of like play school. I got into the useful box, so to speak, and cobble together a fairly average sock puppet.
That’s my hand, that’s my sock. The conversation turned to the subject of spoilers. Hannah said, when people get angry at spoilers, I don’t understand them. I think I get more on the story the second time. Anyway, the first time, I’m just tense when everything’s going nicely.
You know, there’s a group of writers going, how can we ruin this? Because we have to watch people’s worlds crumbling all the time. One of my favorite films is get Out. Have you seen get Out? I haven’t, but I think it’s a great film.
I’ve read all about it. I’ve read other people’s think pieces about it. I’ve seen a few clips, and I’m like, this is an amazing film. I have no desire to watch it. Can’t do it?
Uh Oh, I hadn’t read a hand here. Hannah is gonna get canceled here. Apparently, Anna says in Woof that Hannah does not understand Taylor Swift. Whoa, whoa? Whoa?
Are you crazy? Do you know what happened at Joe Coy At one time? He also the Golden Globes. He told a horrible, mean joke and apparently has an eleven million dollar house and can sell out Sofi Stadium. Taylor Swift wrecked his career.
You don’t want to mess with Taylor Swift. Next thing you know, you’re at the Riod Comedy Festival. I’m punching today. I’m having fun. Hanna said, yeah, I’m only able to get swept away.
I look at Fantom in general, and it seems I’m unable to really participate in. I don’t think I’m able to form parasocial relationships. If I haven’t met someone, I failed to form an attachment. Although sometimes I look at a rock and I feel sad, but sometimes they just look sad, which brings us to the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, which we do in the second half of these podcasts. This time of year.
Hannah’s show is called The Evening Muse, where Hannah acts as a late night host. Hannah was asked who they found was the best late night host. The answer Star Trek Ruder Stephen Colbert. Hanna says, although I did Conan’s podcast and he’s also extraordinary, and I’ll add has never ruined Star Trek. The premise of my tonight show is that I’m profoundly ill equipped to host it tonight show.
I’ve got a suit and an ego, but I can’t talk and listen at the same time very well, which is a really key skill set for interviewing. I’m going to have guests on from the festival and ask them questions from the nineteen eighty one Genius edition of Trivial Pursuit kind of adds archaic trivia really sues me. Now we have access to the Internet and we feel like we have all the information in the world. And I grew up at a time where we didn’t have any information. My brain was trained on a scarcity of information.
You could choose any country to write a project on in high school, and I chose East and West Germany in nineteen ninety four. That’s how up to date our library was. When the Internet first came in, I loved it. But now I feel like I’m being water bordered by information. So I’ve regressed.
And I’m going to wrap there because I got a record Sunday, Monday and Comedy Survivor. This was fun. See you tomorrow.