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The Shark Deck. Hello Johnny Mack with your Daily Comedy News. Jesus nice is sitting at the desk of the Daily Show this week, and he’s gonna need some more help for the writers. Let’s take a look at late Night the setup. Here is nine Republicans who are now trying to become the Speaker of the House.
There is one black contender. Byron Donald’s, Jesus needs help from the writers. Here’s what they gave him to work with. All right, it looks like someone put a bottle of Hershey syrup in the mayonnaise isle. Another one, yo, All these white dudes look the same.
In fact, three of them are the same guy, and you didn’t even notice. Might be all right, Jimmy Kimmel went with it’s like the reunion of a college basketball team from nineteen fifty five. Kimmel again. There are now eight candidates for speakers, seven white men and one black man, or, as Republicans call it, a very diverse slate of choices. Stephen Colbert and I like this one of the best.
This time, nine Republicans will battle for the top post. I’m Emma from Minnesota, Kevin Hearn from Oklahoma, Jack Bergman from Michigan, Byron Donald’s from Florida, Mike Johnson from Louisiana, Sam Naman from Tennessee, Dan markson Wisconsin, Ben Warner from Chicago, and Ken Sherman from Pennsylvania. And I started making up names part way through that list, and literally no one knows what I did, including me. Well done, long way to go for the joke, but well done, new topic, and Jesus nice, you need help from the writers. They are not helping you with these.
This was coming off Taylor Swift being at the football game Jesus’s joke that he was given let’s ease into everything with some sports news, and by sports news, I mean Taylor Swift, America’s sweetheart. She did some charity over the weekend by shining a spotlight on a little unknown sport called football. Dude. That is just dude, Why did you even read that? That is terrible?
One more.
Also props to Brittany Mahomes.
She leveled up. She went for being the quarterback’s wife to Taylor Swift’s bff. That’s like the highest level a white woman can get across. Jesus, off the list, you are not getting the job. Ron White has unretired.
I was on Twitter and Ron’s like, yeah, I got some shows going, so he’s not retired. December twenty ninth, He’ll play Thackerville, Oklahoma at the Windstar Casino. He’s got shows on the thirtieth at the River Wine Casino. New Year’s even Salsa, a little break there, then a bunch of Texas, Ohio, Indiana. I’m in Atlantic City Tatersala dot com if you want to check out those dates.
Nice to have Ron White back. Massachusetts Live followed up on that Dave Chappelle story told you about yesterday. They say an audience member who was at the show claims that Dave did not actually criticize Israel’s bombing of Gaza, but rather advocated for an end to the violence that has persisted for nearly three weeks. Melissa sever was at the show. She wrote in an email to mass Live, Dave’s comments about ending the violence centered around reducing the issue to a human rights issue.
He never mentioned being Muslim as a means to supporting hamas it’s centered on all lives matter. Melissa says, the audience member that we talked about yesterday repeatedly taunted Chappelle. She adds to further inside Dave, the gentleman stood up during his act and continued to yellow was ground to have him removed. The gentleman made the audience feel unsafe, she says. Chappelle asked the audience not to make any hurtful or hateful comments.
She adds, the one person through Dave so far off his performance that it took at least twenty to thirty minutes for him to get back to his planned act. The way that this was handled by that person was unfair to all of us, including Chappelle. The man who had left the show is quoted as saying, here in Boston, how is there so much hate for Jews? How could a comedy show provide such a mechanism for people to verbally shout out with their hatred for Jews? Again, no audio or video of this has leaked yet because Chappelle’s possy for having yonder pouches.
We’ll see if something comes out. From a Hollywood reporter, they asked, Hey, what’s with Bill Burr’s new movie Old Dads. It depends on whether you’re a critic or an average viewer. Old Dads has a seventeen percent score among critics on Rotten Tomatoes, yet with audiences ninety percent positive. One fan declared Old Dad’s the best movie I’ve seen in fifteen years.
Another said it was so hilarious that I literally fell off my chair while laughing. Bill Burr is like a younger version of Larry David. On the other hand, the Associated Press said that Old Dads is a meandering, unfunny assault on PC culture that would seem perfectly in place in the nineteen nineties. One critic gave the film a half star out of five and said it was like listening to the unchained rants of a man convinced that everybody’s on his side when they’ve actually left him behind years ago. I want to watch this now.
I actually have a little time this week to watch the TV, and I need to watch Pete Holmes new special on Netflix as well. Whitney Cummings will have a new special. Deadline is now confirmed. Her special is coming to OnlyFans. TV kind of mentioned this a week or so ago.
Whitney Cummings Mouthee will be released as an OFTV original exclusively on OnlyFans. November fifteen, twenty twenty three, saw Me in the Basement with the door closed on OnlyFans watching comedy like I usually do. This is Whitney’s sixth special. In a statement, she said, for my sixth special, I really wanted to experience the same creative freedom that I feel when I perform in live venues and recreate that tension for the audience. Working with FI has been the closest experience to a live show that I can remember, and they’ve been so supportive, especially as I made the special while seven months pregnant.
Only fans understands that comedy fans are smart and understand nuanced. They knew they would be the perfect partner to create a special that I would typically only be brave enough to perform at a non taped show. If you want to be a Whitney Cummings OnlyFans fan, ten bucks a month. I mentioned Pete Holmes has his special up on Netflix. Pete told Deadline I opened for Bill Burr in two thousand and four in Peoria, Illinois, and my third year of stand up.
I did very poorly. After the show, not one person bought my merch, which was a bumper sticker that read Yippi Kaye Melon farmer. I was humiliated. So you can imagine what a thrill it was nineteen years later when Bill Burr said he wanted to produce my first Netflix special. Thankfully, it seems Bill has a bad memory.
I am not for everybody’s the feeling I have coming home from most social gatherings, birthday parties, religious celebrations, and haircuts, and it’s very exciting to share the observations and stories that come from that strange place. I hope you melon farmers enjoy it. But if you don’t trust me, I get it. Dane Cook tweeted, I don’t think, and then he tagged the CEO of AMC Theaters reads his Twitter feed, but if he wants to distribute the biggest comedy special of twenty twenty four, he should find me here. The final edit is over scaled four K because I shout it for the big screen.
If not, maybe Elon Musk wants to do the first direct premiere on Twitter. On New Year’s Eve, Well, the CEO of AMC wrote back to Dane Cook and said, indeed, I do read my Twitter feed, Dane Cook send me an email, and he gave out his email address and give me both more details and contact information for you. So maybe Dean Cook will be the Taylor Swift of comedy. Who knows We’ll see.
Speaking of Taylor Swift, Nikki Glaser was on Kelly Clarkson’s show.
Kelly asked if it was true that Nikki Glaser spent twenty five thousand dollars on tickets to see Taylor Swift’s tour. Glazier said, I just want to say it was a conscious decision because I went to nine eras tour show this year. Like when I’m not on tour, I go to her tour just fills up my life with so much joy. I’m in my late thirties. I just feel like I don’t have kids at I did the math, and if I had kids, I’d be paying for dance camp and swim lessons.
I was going to freeze my eggs in January, and that’s about how much it costs. Then I just decided not to freeze them. I decided to burn them. I decided to take that chunk of money that was gonna use to do that, and I’m just gonna have a really fun summer. So I went buck wild.
It is Trivia Night at the Glenbrook Brewery in Morristown, New Jersey, and if you want to see me dressed up as Jimmy Buffett, come on by. That will be my costume. I will share some pictures. I haven’t put it together yet. I gotta get moving here.
But you know, do I have aviators yes? Do I have a Hawaiian shirt yes? Do I have some bright colored shorts yes? Do I flip flops? Yes?
Do I have a guitar? No, but my kid does. And I just have to put that all on. Got an email from listener Paul, and you can email me. I’d love to hear from everybody.
My email is in the show notes, and Paul wrote, Johnny Mack is a villain in the newest season of Big Brother. Is it you? It is not me, but I was curious who is this person? I went to Google. Apparently, John McGuire’s nickname is Johnny Mack.
He’s from Scranton, Pennsylvania. Previously appeared on Big Brother seventeen. John is best known for his loud and funny diary room confessionals. Despite being one of the most nominated house guests in Big Brother history, he managed to get off the block four times. I will have to check that out from the hollowad reporter.
Seven hundred to Hollywood figures have signed an open letter to President Biden called No Hostage Can Be Left Behind. Comedians who have signed it Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Bob Odenkirk, Tiffany Hattish, Jerry Seinfeld, and Mack Packer. Henry Winkler. There’s a website No Hostage Left Behind and actively involved in that. Amy Schumer Pitchfork spoke to John Mulaney about what music he was into at various ages.
Been doing this for the last few days. We’re up to age twenty, when John Mlaney was into Steely Dan’s Pretzel Logic. Mallini wrote, I had a great time in college to some degree. My first week I met Nick Kroll and he cast me in the improv group. A couple weeks later I met Mike Birbiglia not bad.
He had just graduated and came down to visit was doing stand up, doing comedy. One for being this thing that I really wanted to do. To knowing people doing it on campus, and now I knew a guy who lived in New York. He did stand out. That was huge.
It was also the first time I really had a problem with drugs where I was like, oh, I do more cocaine than everyone else, and everyone went to bed and I didn’t.
And now I’m going about the day.
So that wasn’t good. John talks about how his friend Kevin had gotten the CD of Pretzel Logic by Steely Dan, and I don’t know what it was about that moment in time, but we were listening to Ricky Don’t Lose that Number, and I was like, is this the finest song I’ve ever heard? So we have this townhouse, We’re doing a lot of drugs, having lots of fun, and we through lots of parties. We had a fireplace and would walk around DC picking up dried up Christmas trees. We didn’t have a sauce.
It would stomp them until they broke apart, burn them, blast Steely Dan records, do cocaine. When we wanted people to leave, we’d play Pretzel Logic loudly. We were like, if you like this a little stay. It’s like we were hiring, We’re interested, looking for recruits. Fulcher has been doing their twenty five comedians.
You should know Maggie Winter’s made the list and her worst show, she said, I did a midnight improv show where a group of men wearing football jerseys were the only people in the audience. They had spent the day at something called NFL Town and got kicked out of the strip club they went to, so they came to IO Chicago for some comedy. Halfway through a set, one of them yelled, this sucks. They all laughed and left. I wish I would have popped off on them, but I was shaking in my boots.
That is your comedy news for today. You can follow this show for free on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or youtubeer you overcast if you’re on an Android wherever you get your shows, you somehow found today’s show. Splash the follow button and I’ll see tomorrow.