The Roast of Bert Kreischer is today, Joe Rogan shows Andrew Schulz bowhunting, Carrot Top roots for Florida Atlantic

🎙️ Listen to this episode:

▶ Spreaker  | 
🍎 Apple Podcasts  | 
🎵 Spotify


Full Transcript

The Shark Deck. I’m Johnny Meg hanging out in the basement with the door closed, watching only fans. What are you doing today? Is the rose of Bert Gracier. Your producer is Whitney Cummings.

Your panelists include Trevor Wallace, Rachel Finstein, Big Jay Oakerson, Donald Rawlings, Tony Hinchcliffe, At Jim Norton, Som Sagora, Miranda Cosgrove and Kesh I’m looking at a trailer for it. Here you can find the trailer on the laugh button. And my it looks trashy. Maybe you should just watch the final four instead. You know who is cheering for Florida Atlantic carrots Op, Yes, carrots Hop Scott Thompson, a nineteen eighty nine graduate of the College of Business.

He majored in marketing. Wait, so carrots Hop and I have the same degrees, carrots Op said. All these young kids, all these even younger kids that might want to aspire to play basketball or baseball or football or any sport or anything they dream of getting involved in, they can see what happens right in front of their eyes. So you have no idea. What an inspiration not only for the city of Boca Rats own and the coledge of FAU.

But for the country, because the country he watches this tournament, the world watches this tournament. He also had nice things to say about coach Dusty May, which don’t worry my brain translated into Dusty slay, which would be a good bit. But of Dusty May, the coach, he’s the motivator. He’s the one who keeps all the kids together, keeps them focused, keeps them believing and what they do believe. Johnny Mack, You’re not gonna keyword stuff Joe Rogan into the title again, are you man?

Cut it out from sports Kitia. Joe Rogan’s friendship with world famous bow hunter Cameron Haynes was the inspiration behind Joe Rogan starting archery himself. Andrew Schultz was on Joe Rogan’s podcast and decided he would try archery. Schultz initially struggled to keep the bow stable before miraculously firing off a perfect shot at the first time of asking. He attributed his success to Joe Rogan’s instructions.

He said, get yourself a good mentor if you want to learn how to shoot elk. Rogan said, you got it right in the fingals that’s an amazing thing. You should probably quit now. The Baltimore Banner wrote for this week’s column, I’m highlighting a few Baltimore area comics that have mostly gained followings from giving people consistent at belly aching glass through social media, and I was like, all right, I’d like to learn about Baltimore comedians. First up, Von t v o Ntee West Baltimore native Vante has been a constant source of locally informed laughter for close to a decade.

Most of Vanti’s funniest moments come from jokes about the workplace, such as trying to stay focused while in the middle of a breakup or being rewarded pizza parties for backbreaking work relationships, including men being overwhelmed by spending significant time with their children while mom’s at with friends, and the dynamics of the Baltimore DC relationship. Stavros hawkias seeing a lot of buzz on him. He grew up in Baltimore’s Greek Town. His superpower is his ability to make fun of people in the audience, taking simple prompts and turning them into many routines. He lures people in with simple questions like what do you do for a living, and if the answer seems to be a little too high brow to be real, he hilariously interrogates them until the truth comes out.

Smurf SMI RF Smurf’s Instagram comedies for the hyperlocal, more specifically black millennial slash older gen Z Baltimore natives. He makes fun of the Harvest Fair market in Hamilton, the local Amazon warehouse, and many more local references. In one video, he lamb based the Wendy’s on Harford Road, saying, what is the pointing I having a drive through? When I can’t get my food? When I drive through it, I gotta come in.

The author adds the renting hits home for anyone that has gone there, it’s almost guaranteed you’ll have to pull over and wait for your food. They really do take forever. I hope you enjoy the deep dive stuff that I mix in, especially on the weekends. I don’t want everything to just be Joe Rogan, Jim Gaffkin every day. I like diving in on stuff.

The Age has been recommending people you go see at the Milburn International Comedy Festival. One of them is Chinese born comedian He Huang. I’ve talked about her before, remember her routine about being an unmarried, dead Chinese woman of a certain age. That one it went viral, she became the target of nasty online comments. Wang is thirty two now based in Sydney, and said those jokes have been tested again and again in different crowds of different countries, so I know the joke was working, but I know it’s going to be such a blow up.

It’s insane how heavily censored and sensative people are in China. Anything about China just makes them so triggered. People left some pretty extreme comments, but I think some of them were hired by the government. There’s a job for that, at attacking people of a different view from the mainstream propaganda. Her new show Bad Bitch is about my life as an international student, a little bit about language differences, cultural differences in family.

I’ll talk about how I figure out sexual liberation. I’m not sure people talk about that, but for Asians it’s a typical topic we talk about, she says. In China, they don’t talk about sex. There’s no sex ad in Chinese schools. We just have biology class.

The only penis I’ve ever seen before I went outside of China was a cross section penis and a biology textbook. Thanks for that information, he Huang, Bad bitch at the Victoria Hotel, a Casia room through April twenty third.

All right, let’s see what’s at the festival on Sunday.

As discuss yesterday, a lot of these shows will repeat, so I will scroll down and see what catches my eye. Dice Paper Roll, D and D live Dice paper roll and friends at the Chinese Museum’s Silk Room. There’s some FAQs. What is it? Thank you?

Dungeons and Dragons is a role playing game where players are going we know that what is a dice paper roll? Dice paper role has grown into a snarling, spitting, swearing behemoth of the D and D podcast scene, one hundred fifty plus episodes, thousands of downloads, and selld out live shows. Each show will be joined by a special guest comedian. Oh wait I see on Saturday, April eighthy guest comedian is Nick Mason. That’s probably the guy from a podcast called The Weekly Planet, which is one of my favorites.

If you like pop culture and like Marvel movies and Star Wars and that stuff. Weekly Planet is a high recommend one of my go to podcasts, So maybe we won’t go see that on Sunday. We’ll see it on Saturday, April eighth, when Nick Mason is there. Joshua Jack show is called the Big Spooky Murder Mystery. That’s at Comedy Republic.

Josh Jack has been murdered. Terrible news. He was so good at comedy and getting murdered sounds awful. But on the upside, four of his funniest friends are gathering to try and solve the murderer live on stage. It’s a brand new type of panel game show.

Three comedians are innocent, one is not. Strap on your detective hats and join them as they investigate and terrogate and todight each other and their efforts to catch the killer. That sounds like a good time. Tickets are twenty five bucks. Divide that by two thirds for American dollars, some being lazy math eighteen bucks or so.

Ray O’Leary’s show is called Everything Funny, all the Time, Always. That’s at the Chinese Museum. There’s even a little banner here with a picture of a flame and the words selling fast, and it says here I can play clip would you like to hear the clip? Let’s play the clip. My friend asked me if I wanted to wake up early and go see the sunrise of that was something that would interest me, And I see that sounds like something that would interest a moth because it’s just so early in the morning.

You know, there’s a reason that the only people awake to see the sunrise. A Instagram influences and myth edicts and as I’ve been mentioning, there’s like one hundred shows a night the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. And I share this on the Facebook group Daily Comedy News Podcast group the other day. It’s an article from Esquire magazine back in two thousand and two. It is titled Johnny Carson, the man who retired.

The author Bill Zimmy passed away recently, and I learned about the article from the press Box podcast who was talking about Bill’s passing, and I’m a big Carson fan. Back in two thousand and two, Bill wrote, there are nights Johnny will tell you that he finds himself back where he was, back where we had him before we could not have him anymore. Johnny will say I still believe it or not have dreams in which I am late for the tonight show. It’s a performer’s nightmare. Apparently I’ve checked in with other people and occurs to them frequently, and it’s fright because I’m not prepared.

It showed time and I’m going on. I’ve got nothing to say. Jesus. I wake up in a sweat. It’s now been ten years since I’ve been done with the job, but I’ll be back there.

It was two thirds of my adult life, remember, and people at the show will be as real and fresh and current as ever in the dream, And all of a sudden, I’m having to go on. I’m not prepared. You revisit the whole thing. You think you’re on the air, and you’re not ready. You hit the wall.

I’ll jump. In my recurring dream is the show that I used to produce at w R Radio in the nineteen nineties. I will have the recurring dream that I’m screening the phone calls for the show, and I’m back at Studio three and adamir Hile sitting on my right and doctor Joey Brown’s across the glass, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot come up with a caller that’s good enough to put on the air, and I will have this dream every three months or so. I haven’t worked on that show in twenty five plus years. It still pops out, so I feel you, Johnny Carson.

The article then talks about all the Leno Letterman drama, and Johnny said, can you believe all that awful stuff? It’s just ridiculous. He laughed and was amused by the shambles left in his wake. The author kitted him about the movie The Late Shift, in which Rich Little played Johnny Carson. Johnny rolled his eyes as only he can, thus implying volumes as only he could.

Carson said, I think I left at the right time. You’ve got to know when they get the hell off the stage, and the timing was right for me. The reason I really don’t go back or do interviews is because I just let the work speak for itself. On his four thousand, five hundred and thirtieth night, his last one, he left the air and he climbed into the clouds for his instruction. Hey helicopter picked him up just minutes after he had tendered his on camera resignation.

This allowed him to avoid the media. Ed McMahon said when Johnny finished off, he went, he grabbed his wife, Alex walked right by me without a look. He was so intent. I’m getting the hell out of there now. One of the things about Johnny is you have no memory of old feeble Johnny Carson.

He walked off and you never saw him again. He did two quick appearances on Letterman Show, where I don’t think he even spoke, and he did a thing to honor Bob Hope, which was his last monologue. But other than that, you didn’t see Johnny. So you don’t remember old feeble Johnny. The man went out on top.

And that’s your comedy news fort to day. Follow the show for free on Apple podcast, Spotify, YouTube, wherever you get your shows. See tomorrow.


All right, here’s the pitch.

Five stories. They’re all good news. It’s called five good news Stories. No negative news, just good news. Nice, easy way to start your day.

Hopefully smile. Hi, I’m Johnny Mack, host of five Good News Stories. So you get the premise. There’s five stories and they’re all good news. So the number five good news stories.

Five good news Stories. Follow the show wherever you get your podcasts.