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The Shark Deck. I’m Johnny Mac with your Daily Comedy News. I am all kinds of comedy snobby this week. If you’ve been listening, you’ve heard it, You’re gonna hear it more again Today. I’ll start with late night jokes, a bunch of good ones and then some bad.
Let’s just use the word bad. Why are you pulling your punches, Johnny Mac, They’re bad. Let’s start with the good. Jimmy Kimmel was having fun with Biden and the classified documents, and he joked America is one episode of Storage Wars away from finding out who killed JFK. Staffords for Joe Biden are now searching everywhere he could have possibly left documents.
His knapsack is Peel organizer under the arch at the nineteen o four World’s Fair. I love the Biden old jokes because they’re harmless, but they’re hilarious. Kimmel again. They could be in a birthday card he sent to his grandkids next to a crisp two dollar bill. No one knows.
And of course, at anytime documents are mishandled top secret documents, it needs to be taken seriously. That’s something Republicans Democrats believe, although Republicans have only believed it since Monday. Now the bad jokes, and these are terrible. The topic the FAA outage the other day. Jimmy Fallon.
Yeah, zero flights took off, but somehow everyone’s luggage still ended up in Pittsburgh. Yeah, Kimmel, this one was a little better. The system went down, resulting in an awful morning for travelers and a great morning for Southwest Airlines. They were like, wasn’t our fault this time? All right, Colbert, Well, this is what happens when you run your entire aviation system off a boingo hotspot.
Colbert does a lot of weird jokes like that that I don’t know. Again, I’m sure he tells them better than I do. I just don’t feel like they land fallon with this hackey one. Yeah, no one could fix the computer glitch. One guy at the FAA said, I don’t know, maybe unplug it and plug it back in.
But Jimmy Fallon saved himself. This last one is good.
Meanwhile, the outage happened while some planes were in the air.
If there’s one thing you don’t want to hear from your pilot, it’s at tension passengers, do yourself a favor and stay off Twitter for a little bit. The Hollywood Reporter caught up with Kevin Hart. Now the transcript of Kevin, I’m having a little trouble following it out. This is not a dig at Kevin. I’m really interested in the story.
But what you’re hearing right now is my third attempt to do the story because I keep tripping over the way the transcript reads Kevin’s words, so I’ll read them verbatim and see if you could follow along. Kevin said, Dave Chappelle has made me and Chris Rock feel stupid at times when it comes to our choice and material. All right, great topic. That’s why I’m interested, Kevin says. We have watched Dave in our earlier stages of just working on our set.
We would spend time at the seller and one would come and we would all go and Dave would go up, and me and Chris had just went up and we were happy about our material. That’s the sentence that isn’t working for my brain. Kevin continued. There’s been times where we’ve looked at each other and we bought our papers up and said we got to start over. We got to start over, not because if jealousy or envy, because we challenge each other.
We want the best for not only each other, but for ourselves. Love it. Kevin was on Jay Shetty’s pod and he said, the biggest drug, it’s not cocaine, it’s not heroin, it’s fame. Anything you want, everything you want, it’s the thing. And if an analyst thing, the consequences attached or severe, you know you undre you okay with you?
If you’re not, it’ll break you. By the way, for Monday show, I’ve got a bizarre Kevin Hart story for you. Ricky Gervais has shared his quotes frustration after fans were turned away from his show in York the other night. Why Apparently they had purchased tickets from resale site via go Go. Hundreds of fans reportedly refused entry to see Ricky Gervais after duplicate tickets the previous evening led to overbooking.
Oh. Maxine Gordon was a reporter for The York Press and was quoted by the York Press. Maxine said, when me and my husband turned up at the York Barbican, that’s the theater at seven twenty for the seven thirty show, there were hundreds of people still queuing to get in. Well time out get there a little earlier, man, what are you doing? There were still hundreds of people queuing to get in, as well as a very long queue for the box office, again unusual.
I thought the delay was because they were being extra thorough checking bags, but as we got nearer the entrance, the bouncers and ticketing staff were shouting that they were only accepting Ticketmaster tickets and not via go go, which are the tickets from a resale site. Lots of people are asked to leave as my ticket was checked. I asked, what’s going on? I was told the night before lots of people are turned up with via go go tickets, but duplicates, all for the same seats, so they weren’t accepting any last night. Ricky Gervais, who said that particular gig was his favorite of the tour, told angry fans he didn’t know anything about it until after the show.
He said, I’ve sent all this to the promoter at Live Nation. He’s looking into it. I have no idea why this happened tonight. Apparently in the past, comedians Stuart Lee and Tim Minchin have previously denounced Via Go Go for artificially inflating ticket prices and ripping off fans. In twenty twenty one, Tim reportedly called them cheating scumbags.
It’s being a Ricky Gervais. Newsweek took a look at Drug Carmichael versus Ricky Gervais fans debate who was better Globes host. They went on social media see what people were tweeting. One tweeter said, Drug Carmichael is a boring host, so much dry and stupid jokes. He’s trying so much to be Ricky Gervais, horrible Golden Globe host.
Ever, I believe that Twitter dropped a word there. It happens, I do it. On the other side, somebody wrote Drug Carmichael is giving a master class and how to evolve what made Ricky Gervais a great host, while maintaining that he’s still punch up. I’m sure the Globes of want to wait to see the ratings, but I’d sign them to a multi year contract if I were them. Well, second tweeter, you’re just wrong.
Drug Carmichael was terrible, and as for those ratings and that multi year deal, you just hand it out. Who How about this headline from the year post woke Golden Globes tanked ratings historic low in twenty twenty three. I’m just gonna keep moving. I don’t know why the Post had to throw a woke in there. I’m here for the ratings.
Six point three million people, according to Nielsen, watched it. For comparison, in twenty twenty one, the broadcast drew six point nine million, while twenty twenty boasted eighteen point three million viewers. Let’s see who hosted those years. The twenty twenty was Ricky Gervais, the twenty twenty one was ten Fa and Amy Poehler. The Golden Globes.
If they want this to be a thing, and NBC wants this to be a thing, back up the truck and get Ricky back in there now, the Daily Mail says. Last year, Ricky Gervais revealed that he told bosses never to ask him again for fear he’d cave in and say yes to hosting. Ricky said, the Golden Globes could offer me ten million for ten minutes work, and I’d be an idiot. I’d be a liar to say I wouldn’t consider it, but at the moment, given I’ve done it five times, it got better and better for me. I enjoyed them all, but it got better, and I’m planning to never do it again.
I’ve asked them not to ask me because I could be persuaded. That’s true. You know it’s not a principle. Good honest answer, Back up the truck. I’m still disappointed Chris Rock isn’t hosting the Oscars.
That was totally the move. Come on, it’s entertaining people. We all want the side show. Let’s all be honest, we all want the sideshow. Chris Rock hosting the Oscars was the move.
HBO Max has dropped the first two episodes of Velma that suddenly showed up yesterday. I don’t think anyone was expecting it from what I’m reading on the interwebs. So this is the Mindy Cave Scooby Doo ish series. It’s like Scooby Doo. My cousin says it’s a prequel.
I guess a couple tweaks. The characters are a little different. We now see the show through the eyes of Velma, voiced by Mindy Kaling. Fred is voiced by Glenn Howarden playing Fred is kind of pompous, white, good looking jackass character. You’ve seen this in movies?
Yes. The one I can’t figure out is Shaggy is now named Norville. That’s like one of those things from the seventies when you’d watch cartoons and you’d be like, wait, why is Mutley now mumbly? Like that kind of thing, like why is Shaggy now Norville? Why can’t he be Shaggy.
Shaggy also has a completely different personality from the trailer that I watched, and it doesn’t do all the zoing stuff. Now you’re like, is there a Scooby Doo? Nope, no dog at all. Pretty good cast. We mentioned Mindy Kaling and Glenn Howard and also Sam Richardson plays Norville, who’s not Shaggy for some reason, Constance who was Daphne.
Other cast Jane Lynch, Wanted Psykes, Russell Peters, Melissa Famero, Stephen Roots, Fortune Feamster in a cal Buyer, and weird Al Yankovic. Are you psyched for the snow Jam Comedy Festival? We’re just a week out January nineteenth through the twenty first snow Jam back in Sioux Falls, South Dakota for its eighth year. It’s mission celebrate comedy and snow while in rision community by supporting nonprofit organizations in South Dakota. This year’s headliners include Jackie Caation and Miss Shannon from Nickelodeon’s nick Mom’s Night Out.
The festival also feature a live Dork Forest podcast recording with Jackie and a special guest. This year, the charity partners of the Compass Center, whose mission is navigating the journey to healing for all affected by sexual, relational and family trauma, and also the Transformation Project, whose mission is to support and e power transgender individuals and their families while educating communities in South Dakota and the surrounding region about gender identity and expression. Nathan Halts, He’s president of the board. He said the festival it started as a joke. Let’s bring people to the best place on earth at the worst time.
Joke was on me. It’s the best thing I’ve ever been part of. Check out the schedule, get some tickets Man Snowjamcomedyfest dot com SnO Jamcomedyfest dot com Snowjamcomedyfest dot com. You got a week January nineteenth to twenty. First get out there.
I’ll be talking about it all next week. This next story comes to us from Gazette dot com and it was a good headline, second cleanest comedian in the States to headline Colorado Springs Comedy Club. And I’m like, I love that second cleanest comedian thing because that gets me curious. Okay, who’s the most clean comedian? You got me?
And I read the article and then I didn’t react well to it because it’s like generic comedian interview. We’re promoting a Mark Masters comedy show. I’ve never met mark I have nothing against some work, but now I’m in comedy snob territory. What’s the show like Mark Masters? The answer, In those travels, I run into a lot of funny situations and comedic things happen.
That’s like every middle tier comedian’s interview ever. Everything from marquane household items to funny family stories of personal stuff about me and my family will make up a Mark Masters comedy show. All right, I could let that go. But another thing you’ll see in all these releases, for like touring comics in Middle America, everybody is always attaching their vague credits. You know, appeared on serious radio meeting Johnny Mack played your record fourteen years ago once or my favorite is the worked with masters, a headliner on the Pro Comedy Tour, has worked with comedians from HBO, Comedy Central, and Netflix.
So have I. And I’m sitting here in the basement. I’m not a stand up, but I have worked with Jeff Foxworthy, Ron White, Jamie Fox, Jerry Seinfeld, Jim gaff Again, Bill Engvall, Larry the Cable Guy. I’ve worked with them all. I’m practically the fifth blue collar no no.
But here’s what really set me off, the part of the article where you kiss up to the town in the club. I love Colorado’s Springs, Olympic City, USA. They’re the best, great audiences. That’s right. Hey, welcome to the stage, Johnny Mack.
Hey, thanks, Let’s give it up for the guy who introduced me. Yay, yay, yay, Hey Colorado Springs, give it up for yourselves. Hey, great, I’ve just done fifteen seconds of the worst stand up you’ve ever heard. Now I’ll go into my proctology bit. Yes, I’m still on my high horse of Andrew Santino.
Yes, I went to the doctor right and he was like, take you off your pants. I was like, whoa, Now I’m not doing that bit. Mark Masters says, I’m thrilled to be back in three East Comedy Club, which is a beautiful space. They get incredible acts, but it’s really an honor to be a headliner. Mark Masters, If you’re listening, I didn’t come to beat up on you at all.
It’s just I’ve seen this article. It’s like comedian mad Libs and I could just plug in. I’ve actually seen this particular person who I’m friends who are friendly with Jim Norton. I’ve seen him and be like, yeah, hey, I’m playing the Chuckle Hutt in Springfield. Chuckle Hut’s a great place.
It’s great stage. Springfields always great crowds. Everybody does that. Why speaking of it? Andrew Santino Whiskey Riff dot Com say it with me.
You’re home for comedy news. They report comedian Andrew Santino, you know the guy who does a rectal exam bit. Nine minutes into his hour on Netflix, that guy, Comedian Andrew Santina recalls Patrick Mahomes drinking the venue out of corps light. Apparently Santina was on Pardon My take, this week and said of Patrick Mahomes, he came for the first show and he was like man, so fff and fun.
And then he goes all right, well then what he wants us to do now?
And I Andrew Santina was like, I’ll see you. I’m gonna go do the second show. You guys go out fun and I’ll see him whatever. And he’s like, no, I think we’re gonna stay for the second show. I Andrew Santina was like, oh, okay, I left for sure he’d dip in, but he was like, no, I want to stay.
And the server comes up to me and she’s light, that’s your party, right, And I was like, yeah, whatever, I’ll take care of the bill whatever it is. She’s like no, no, no, we’re comping everything anyway. I just want to let you know that we have someone that’s gonna go get more Corps Light because mister Mahomes has finished all the Corps Light. According to Santino, I’m not kidding when I say this, maybe thirteen the first show and maybe ten the second show, and then we went out. I have no knowledge at all about Patrick Mahomes drinking twenty three course lights.
In fact, I’m going to say, it’s possible that it’s not true at all, and this is just a comedian having some fun. I imagine Patrick at home studying the playbook for the playoffs. Let’s stop off at Gossip Corner. Emily Radikowski, Huh. She was on her podcast and was talking about people she’s dated in the past.
You may recall she recently dated Pete Davidson. She didn’t say who she was speaking about, but she said, they’re like, you know, you’re special, you’ve done it, but then they get slowly emasculated and they don’t know what to do with those feelings, and they resent you and they start to tear you down. I’m not sure she said it quite like that, but I liked my dramatic read. A source says, although Radikowski didn’t mention Pete Davidson by name, there’s no doubt who she was referring to. The source says Emily didn’t appreciate being tossed aside, and she’s not one to remain silent about how she feels.
Expect her to have more to say about this in the future. Oh, please do, because I enjoy doing Gossip Corner. Pete Davidson’s mom Amy Waters Davidson has been hoping her son would settle down with quote a nice girl. A source said, Mom would like to see him settle down and find a nice girl who’s marriage material, not some fame hugging celebrity. Again, I’m not sure.
Amy Waters Davidson said it exactly that way. That’s my dramatic recreation. That’s your communy news for today. Follow the show for free on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, rerevergate your show see tomorrow. Did you hear about the border collie who recycles trash and when he’s out on his walks, or how about the bear that stole so much Chick fil A?
But good News left the salad behind. Hi, I’m Johnny Mack, host of Five Good News Stories. Don’t worry. I have stories about humans too, Like there’s a woman who makes a living because she looks like Jim Carrey. It’s my podcast.
It’s five Good News Stories, Five Good News Stories the number. Five good News Stories twice a week. Five Good News Stories. Oh, and Shamrock shakes her back too. Good News, Five Good New Stories.
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