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Caloroga Shark Media. Hello, I’m Johnny Mack with your daily comedy whose late night had some fun with Stormy Daniels testifying the Donald Trump trial. We’re covering that over on the Ballot podcast. Stephen Colbert said it was a historic day because Stormy Daniels did what she does best, and that’s spank Donald Trump. Jordan Klepper hosting The Daily Show, come on, Jake Tapper and Dana Bash acting like you’re too good for this, Like you’ve never seen Genitalia before.
You’re very prudish for people whose names sound like porn names. Seth Myers. Stormy Daniels testified that she spanked Trump with a rolled up magazine that had his face on the cover. And I think it’s weird that the hotel even had a copy of Bankruptcy aficionado Stephen Colbert. Trump explained that he and Milania have separate bedrooms.
Yes, we’re having trouble falling asleep in the same bed because she snores and I bang porn stars. Seth Myers Stormy Daniels setting a phone call after the section. When Cannon with Trump in two thousand and six, he would always call her honey. Bunch, honey bunch, and you guys think Biden is too old. New topic of Chinese zoo had some dogs that they painted, were passing them off as pandas Colbert said, well, there’s a simple explanation.
The dogs are in a Christi Nome protection program. That is great, all right, we got some beefs going on. This first one from Atlanta Blackstar. I’ve read this a couple times and I’m trying to make sense of it. Honestly, it’s not the best written oracle I’ve ever read.
I’ve read it three times and I’m like, all right, let me get to the gist here. I will try here. The point being people accusing Kat Williams of ducking out of a party when Kevin Hart showed up. But let’s see if we could figure out the details from this article. The event was the weekend brunch at the Netflix is a Joke Festival.
By the way, that is not an easy thing to say, Netflix is a joke festival. We got to rename this thing, Robbie pro I mean I stumbled over that four times. Nathi ed at this time, apparently at the brunch, Dave Chappelle, Tiffany Hattish Kevin Hart, Marshall, Warfield, Mike Appsolute Rel Dion Cole, they took a picture. Hattish told the Breakfast Club that the brunch started around noon and that she saw Kat Williams. She said, we was outside, okay, so we wasn’t in the same room.
Everybody was there and Kat was there, and he was looking very interesting, very shiny, and it was super cool. We Apparently Kat was dressed differently than me. He’s wearing a hoodie in a baseball cap. He was talking to everybody, moving around the room and stuff. As soon as Kevin got there, nobody could find Kat.
I don’t know where Kat went, but he did perform live. She claims they took a group picture with all the comedians. Kat’s not in that photo because Kat left right as Kevin pulled up.
Meanwhile, Monique, who opened for Kat, took some shots at Oprah Winfrey.
I will have to quite paraphrase here, Monique said, F you Oprah Winfrey, F you Tyler Perry. She then questioned the nature of Winfrey’s friendship with Gail King, suggesting perhaps there’s more too there friendship, and said, I’m too mfing old to be scared of this Bee I’m too old to be intimidated by this bee. I’m too old to the mfing truth. Cat Williams did better in the ratings than the roast of Tom Brady. Kind of surprising, No, I find that very surprising.
So is this bad for Cat? Because there were super hype on Cat. You know, I was stressing, should I blow off Deacon Mike and not go to Cleveland and stay home in Kat Williams. That would have been a mistake. Deac and Meg had an awesome party and Kat Williams Special was all right.
Everybody was waiting for Kat Williams take shots, and he didn’t really take shots at anybody anyway. Cat Williams won the ratings war. Streaming ratings are a little wonky, but we have learned that Cat Williams earned four million views, a metric determined by total viewing time divided by running time. That’s double what Tom Brady got for two million. But this is where it gets walky.
The roast had more total viewing time at six point two million hours to just four point one million hours for Cat Special. But Brady’s thing is three times as long, right, so I watched for three hours, So they get credit. For three out of me, whereas I also watched cat for one, so they get one out of me. Makes sense? It barely makes sense, right, Yeah.
John Mulaney presents Everybody’s In La also made the Netflix Top ten. They did not break out the viewers on that one, so who knows, Baby Raindier remains number one. That’s really fantastic if you haven’t seen that. Jerry Seinfeld’s pop tarts movie Unfrosted topped the list with seven point one million views for its opening weekend. Kuwaiti Romcom Honeymoonish number one fourteen million views.
Really okay? Netflix has made an edit to the roast of Tom Brady. What did they take out? No, not the Robert Kraft joke. They took out the booze of Kim Kardashian.
That’s lame. We all know what happened. Leave it in. Nikki Glaser, having quite the moment, she went on The Howard Stern Show, apparently thinking it’s nineteen eighty eight, and told Howard Stern that she had cut some jokes out of the roast. One of the cut jokes, Tom, I love your work that you’ve done on your face.
Seriously, slow down, what is happening with your cheeks. You look like a ken doll that was microwaved. You love deflating things, so stop. Did I imagine that that joke happened? What that joke happened?
I’m going crazy. I just took a pause and skimmed, Nicki set and I didn’t find that joke. Somebody did that joke. I’m not crazy. Help me out in the Facebook group.
Somebody did that joke, Nicki said. She also cut a joke about CTE. The joke read, it’s really cool. All the proceeds are going to CTE research in the NFL’s coordinated effort to cover it up. She did make an NFL cover up joke.
I just played it back during the pause there. People don’t know, but it costs millions to murder those doctors that know the truth. These guys really effing damage their bodies and brains all for the sake of men hugging each other in a Buffalo wild wings. Nicki is on the Last Laugh podcast that was recorded before the roast, and she told the Last Laugh, I’m educating myself about football. I just learned about football from Taylor Swift.
Now I’m doing all this research on Tom Brady, and I’m learning to love it and learning to really respect him. So I have a great angle I fear, but it’s terrifying. I haven’t done a ros since pre COVID. I thought it was behind me. I thought, if they ever come asking again, I’m gonna say no, because the last time I did one, I was thirty four and if you called me old, it didn’t really work.
But now I’m thirty nine and this is old. They can make those jokes now or make fun of my looks, and it’s not like I’ve gotten any more secure in my looks. It’s painful to do a roast, so I’m kind of worried about that. But I’m in the state of mind now ahead of it, where I’m just focused on writing and I’m not even thinking about the jokes that could have been written about me. And that’s always rough when you sit there and hear about how ugly I am or how unfunny I am.
The last laugh said, well, you’re definitely more famous now than you were at last rose, maybe you won’t get those jokes. NICKI said, yeah, that was don’t bother me because I’m pretty aware of my level. I don’t care if people say I’m not famous. I don’t really care about being famous. I mean, yes, of course I care because it means more money, which means more security, which means I won’t die any apocalypse, which is my biggest fear.
But I don’t care. Please come at me for all that, I’d love it. She talked about limits put on it and quoting Niki here, Dude, they kind of said, don’t go after the kids, and I was like, why would I go after as kids? You really have a license say anything, because if they’re there and they sign up for it, you can go after them now. Jokes about Gazelle.
I don’t want to frame Gazelle in a poor light. I don’t ever want to frame his kids out on the days they haven’t sign up for it, But anyone else I will not pull punches, but I will say I have a lot more heart going to this one than I have in the past. I don’t want to be mean like that. It has to be really good to be mean. Jim Gaffigan, Jenny Slaate, and Tig Nazaro talked parenthood and the best and worst things about being a comedian today.
Boy, doesn’t that sound exciting? Don’t you wish you were at the Prime Experience in Los Angeles. Nice move there, Prime Experience in Los Angeles, having your own comedy event in the middle of the Netflix Festival in Los Angeles. I see what you’re doing there, Jim, you’ve clearly chosen sides. Okay, Robbie pro is gonna remember that.
Jenny Slat says, there’s much to love about working as a stand up comic today. We have the opportunity to be really thoughtful about saying something deeply important about our own personal development, about the world at large, about current events, about censorship and art, and about what the current vernacular in art is. Jenny says, cancel culture is frightening. It’s scary to be a personal with the microphone, but it’s also great privilege of your performer, and you feel that you’re talented. If you pair that talent with thoughtfulness, I think it’s a great opportunity to feel fully expressed.
Tick Natara was asked about the best and worst of being a modern day stand up and Tick said, there’s so much going on and so much opportunity. Could feel a little oversaturated, but I don’t know. I don’t have any complaints I started doing stand up solely because I’m obsessed with it, and so from open mic days to now, it’s really neat to get on stage and want to just share these stories and experiences. Amazon. I’m gonna remind you guys cross Town.
John Maliney sitting there with Jerry Seinfeld. He’s not talking to Jerry Seinfeld, but he’s sitting there with him. What is this event? Why did you do this event? This is a bad look.
Jim Gaffigan joked he started in comedy when there were wooden microphones. Yuck, yuck. Jim said he tends not to call his kids out by naming his act for the sake of their privacy, but he observed at the same time, kids would rather hear you talk about them and stand up than if you posted a picture of them. If you post a picture, that’s crossing a line, but if you make a reference to them being misanthropic, they’re like, yeah, that’s great. When asked what’s next for him, Jim Gaffigan joked, I’m gonna be Donald Trump’s running mates.
Can I tell you I have been talking about how there’s so much going on last week and this week that I could pre tape all of next week. Take a week off. I’m not kidding. The raw version of today’s podcast was twenty minutes. It gets shorter after clean up all the stumbles and stuff, but it’s twenty minutes and I hit save and I’m like, oh, you forgot to do the festivals.
And that’s after I bumped three stories. There’s just so much anyway. Festivals Tonight, Cryptocamerina seven thirty Andrew Scheldtz Sing Gillison special guests. You gotta do that right eight o’clock, Tom Sigora come together. This is reminding me.
I forgot to look up what happened at their five k. Apparently the big news at the Two Bears five k from the other day is that jelly Roll finished it. He spoke to Entertainment tonight. He said, I couldn’t walk a mile when I started trying to do this back in January. So the fact that we got three point whatever it was, it’s three point one.
Jelly Roll got it down. I felt really good about it. Yeah, I understand, man. When I first started running, I couldn’t do a five k, and I’ve now run two marathons. Oh, here’s a funny picture of Grasier with his shirt off in a metal This looks pretty funny.
Oh and I digressed more as I threw Burke Kreischer into Google to see if I could find something about the five K. But I see this headline. Burt Krascher and Tom Szagre react to Gazelle bunch In being upset over the Tom Brady roast jokes. A source told Entertainment Tonight, Jazelle was upset and hurt by some of the jokes about her, her relationships with her boyfriend and her marriage to Tom. Her main concern has always her children and her family, and she wants to protect them.
She found some of the jokes to be distasteful and disrespectful. Sigura said, oh, that’s awesome. That means everyone did their chop. Krayser jokingly said he had heard from Bunchin’s camp and said, I don’t speak Portuguese. I don’t care what you say.
That’s funny. Grayscher said, to be fair, Giselle got half that check anyway. Netflix Comedy Festival. You see why these podcasts, I’m telling you, Pumping Story is left and right, all right? Cheltz and Shane at seven thirty Sigora at eight, Country Wayne at seven, Ali Wang again taping another show, this one I think was planned.
I’m wondering if they’re having trouble getting a special Shang Wang nine forty five, Love Him, Somebody Feed Phil at seven, Nick Offerman at Friends at seven, Jared Freed at seven. Dean Cook is out there. I didn’t know that. Dane Cook at seven. Jessica Curson has sold out at seven, and I’ve seen very few sold outs on this grid.
Curson again at nine forty five, Spinal tap the original fortieth anniversary screening at four. Felippia Sparzo sold that at nine forty five, Jeff Ross at seven, Josh Wolf at seven. He’s really good, but you’re up against that show at the Crypto Arena, Eric Griffin and Friends, and like the other days, as if I scroll down four enough, it gets uninteresting. All right, if you and I were there, We’re going to Crypto Arena. We’re seeing Schultz Shane and whoever shows up late show will do Shang Wang as that sound.
We are so long today, I’m not gonna hunt for clips at Sydney, but I’ll just tell you about a show that we haven’t talked about yet have we’ve done Connor Burns from Scotland. This shows called Verdigo, a punchline pack sixty minutes featuring submarines, relationships and the inevitable family drama. The Scotsman gave it five stars, saying he’s a great comedy tale. He’s fearless and wonderful, hilarious. Of the list four stars, but perhaps at four brilliant.
GAG’s coming you at a terrifying rate. She your fearlessness, he’ll go far. We’ve got plenty left in this festival. There’s just been so much gone with Netflix domining, so a lot more sitting next week? All right, Tonight on John Mullany’s Late Night Thing, the guest David Letterman, Bill Hayter, Cedric the Entertainer, and music performance by Los Lobos.
Okay, John MLINI write this down because I watched the Monday night show. You were not taking my notes. Stop taking phone calls. The phone calls are terrible. Get rid of the robot.
The robot’s not working. Here’s what you do. My first guest tonight is David Letterman.
And then stop talking and let David Letterman be funny.
Then when Bill Hayter comes out, go hey, Bill Hayter, how are you doing?
And then stop talking, same notes Cedric and then lost Lobos.
Don’t take a phone call in the middle of Los Lobos. I did enjoy Monday Night, Mulaney. They’re not taking my notes, says the guy in the basement of the guy dating Olivia Munn. LA Magazine ads folks out at the Netflix Festival. They were at Bill Burr on they write as for Burr.
After openers Nate Craig and Dean del Ray, he took the stage to spew his well honed stick about the sad state of the world. He was his usual curmudgeonly self, riffing on family life, white privilege, and male depression. His takes on middle aged dues at Guitar Center was spot on. We had a surprise guest, John Lovettz, trading barbs back and forth NonStop. These two old pros improvised put downs with love that were just the ticket, not the best.
Review Patton Oswalt at the United Theaterre on May fifth. LA mag says fans rain praise on opening acts Orlando Lava, who clowned that he lost America’s got talent to shadow puppets and Benny Feldman, who noted that his turette syndrome was like the abstract art of disabilities, joking that audience to say I could do that. Patton referred to himself as the cartoon rat guy and joke he’d rather beat the roast of Tom Brady happening at the same time across town. Patton lit up the room with stories about cat demons, the Planter’s Nutmobile, and an ill fated trip to Hobby Lobby, then joked that he should have opened the show Rising from dry ice smoke like zz Tap. Gab Iglesias was at the Palladium on May six.
The show apparently was unruly. Heckler is in more than a couple loaded ladies had to be admonished for yelling out indiscernible nonsense and interrupting comics during the show. Elie mag says, we won’t call out which comics got dragged or whether they deserved it, but let’s just say that anyone can have a bad night, and the female guests on the bill experience what we’re guessing is a rite of passage when facing a room full of drunk strangers who really only care about the headliner who that sounds like it sucks. Bigger names like Deon Cole and Matt Rife fared much better that We found Rife set and particularly his sex and trans material not only mean spirited but painfully unfunny. I think we figured out Matt Rife, right, We figured it out.
Yeah, the crowd disagreed, and the controversial comic got a load of laughs. George Lopez got a third season for his sitcom Lopez Versus Lopez. A comedian Ethan Levine is trying to earn the Guinness title for most ceremonial first pitches thrown. He’s out there this week throwing some first pitches. This week he’s working the Chicago area, but not the actual White Sox, doing some minor league teams.
And Levin told The New York at Jewish Week, I was just doom scrolling one night, and I thought of it and checked to see if there was a record. He figured a small town mayor somewhere must have set a lifetime record for first pitches, but he didn’t find anything. Guinness was like, I don’t know forty. He’s hoping to throw fifty. He says, A million cold emails and cold calls later.
I’m sitting outside of Dunkin Donuts Park, which is home of the Hartford Yard Goats. That’s your comedy news for today. If you’d like this ad free, open up the show in the Apple Podcasts app and click that Caloroga Shark Media Plus thing there. Four ninety nine a month, you get this and all the other shows on the network commercial free. How about that?
Huh bargain? You should do it. Actually, it’s doing really well, Like I’m really excited about how well it’s doing. So yeah, four ninety nine a month, and you can test drive it thirty days free. If you’re like, eah, this sucks, or Johnny Mack doesn’t get up early enough.
I’m up at four to fifteen in the morning and he hasn’t loaded the commercial free version. He had to hate that guy. I understand. I’m working on it. I don’t control the back end.
I’m talking to people. It’s a thing. It’s not me being stupid. It’s an actual thing. I’m working on it.
It’s ee any more.