At midnight I hit Patton Oswalt with a shovel. Louis CK to go to Bill Maher’s Mark Twain Prize. Zarnra Garg was ORDAINED to play Riyadh

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Featured: Bill Maher, Louis C.K., Jay Leno, Stephen A. Smith, Whitney Cummings, Woody Harrelson, Zarna Garg, Adam Sandler, Patton Oswalt

What’s in This Episode

• Bill Maher wins Mark Twain Prize at Kennedy Center
• Zarna Garg performs at Riyadh Comedy Festival
• Trump plans to attend Knicks game at Madison Square Garden
• UFC event scheduled on White House South Lawn for Trump’s birthday
• Adam Sandler declines UFC White House event invitation
• Patton Oswalt releases new special on YouTube
• George Carlin commemorative collection discussion

Questions Answered in This Episode

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Full Transcript

This transcript was automatically generated and may contain spelling and/or transcription errors.

Caloroga Shark Media. Here’s a crew for you. Hi. I’m Johnny Mac with your Daily Comedy News. It’s the Mark Twain Prize.

Remember last year Conan O’Brien and like everybody showed up. Well, who’s coming this year? Who’s even getting it this year? John? Well, this year’s winner is Bill Maher.

And who’s coming Louis C.K. Jay Leno and Steven A. Smith. Which sounds like the setup to a joke, that’s right. Bill Maher will receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor at the Kennedy Center Sunday, June twenty eighth.

It will be filmed for Netflix. And it’s not just Louis c. K, jay Leno and Stephen A. Smith, Oh No, you’ll also get Whitney Cummings, Woody Harrelson, Arianna Huffington, and John Mellencamp. Previous winners include Richard Pryor, Jonathan Winters, Carl Reiner, wiop Be Goldberg, Bob Newhart, George Carlin.

You’ll cosme, we don’t like to talk about that. Tina Fey, Will Ferrell, Eddie Murphy, David Letterman, Kevin Hart, Conan O’Brien even Cheilano himself in twenty fourteen, I bet you can’t wait, Well, you’re gonna have to wait two weeks.

Meanwhile, listen to this from Zarna Garg.

Are you ready for this? You’re not. You know why she played the Rion Comedy Festival. No, it wasn’t about the money. She was on the Breakdown podcast and Zarna Garg said, I really went with the spirit of I’ve been ordained to do this by somebody, some higher power.

It is my job to spread the message and to let women know they could say what comes to their mind. That’s life freedom. If I can even inspire them to think in that direction, then I’m doing something positive for this world, which of course is why she donated all her proceeds to share hold on in being passed a note. Oh she didn’t. Oh so it’s never mind.

Sorry I got distracted there, guys. Zarna said it was controversial here as everything tends to be, because everybody thinks they know what Saudi Arabia is sitting in Brooklyn. Well they don’t know is that my material goes all over the world because of the digital world we live in. My joke’s my comedy special. Everything travels.

You can’t control where these things show up anymore. So women in that part of the world watch me in secrets the jokes that are open here. It’s not so easy for them to watch it. They write me constantly. They’re like, come to us.

We want our daughters to see you because they’ve never seen somebody that looks like me say these things. Greg said her children were dead against the trip, but she offered to go for message, not money. Uh huh. Zarna says a lot of people think that the comics who did it did it for the money. Money’s very important in life.

But I’m gonna say this, and it’s gonna sound a little braggy, but I’m gonna be honest about it. The comics they invited make a lot of money in America. They didn’t invite the comics who are struggling here. To be honest, you think you think they didn’t invite open micers? Sorry, Zarady said, we would have all made money.

I could do three more shows in New Jersey and make the same money, right, three shows. We all didn’t go there to chase the money. I can’t speak for others, but the money was not a motivator for me at all, which is why she donated it to Oh no, she didn’t. I’m telling you, I went with the same sense that I owe these into something. Honestly, it’s a very slight capitulation by the regimes that run those places that they too need a woman on the lineup.

They didn’t have to invite us. They could have ignored us, They could have just had fifty men. But even they are now understanding that is it really in your best interest to exclude half of your world? And even though there are plenty of problems there, there’s no defending a lot of things that go on there or here for that matter. But if they’re opening that door, even for the slightest ray of sunshine to pass through, is it not our job to help push it open even that little bit more?

In October, The Hollywood Reporter shared that Jessica Curson donated her fee from the Riod Comedy Festival to the Human Rights Campaign. Perhaps Zorna did too, and she just hasn’t promoted it. Who knows? How about those Nicks? Huh?

Everybody’s talking about the Knicks, including Jimmy Kimmel. President Trump said he is planning to go to New York for the day. This would be the first time Trump has appeared at a court New York since being convicted of thirty four felonies. Trump is. A fan.

I mean know he’s a n X fan, because a few days ago he posted this Ai slop of himself in a Next Jersey dunking on New York Governor Kathy hulk Ole areas Larry tured with two hands on the bar. The President wants to be there in person to support his hometown team and, if necessary, to overturn the results of the game. I just can’t wait to hear him try to say the word Webin Yamas. That’s where I’m looking forward to. You think Trump would be rooting for the Spurs, right, It’s what got him out of Vietnam.

Solid joke there. It’s a big sports week for the president, who’s excited about the big UFC event on the White House lawn. I was in DC recently and you got to see this thing. It looks like a mess. I’m sorry, it looks terrible.

They do such a good job down there with the monuments and the whole National Mall area, but this thing on the lawn mess, total mess. Adam Sandler’s Not Going to Go. Sandler was one of seven celebrit that UFC CEO Dana White said he invited to the events on the White House South Lawn on Saturday. That list included Guy Ritchie, Tom Brady, Jared Lado, Jason Statham, The Rock, Mario Lopez, and of course Adam Sandler. What a list?

Actually, wouldn’t you watch that movie if it were on Netflix? If I told you they’re a movie staring Sandler, The Rock, Jason Statham, You’re already in right now. I’m gonna throw on top for no reason. Tom Brady, Mario Lopez, Jared Lado and Guy Ritchie. Why are we not making this movie?

It’s like Ocean’s eleven, but like bad. Make that I digress. A representative for Sandler told Vanity Fair that the star best known for comedies including Billy Madison and The Wedding Singer, along with dramatic roles in films such as Uncut Gems and Jake Kelly Wait Am I Winning the War? Are people starting to refer to Adam Sandler dramatic actor? Because they just qualified him?

In Vanity Fair naming four movies and only two of them were horrible comedies. Hmm, maybe I’m winning the war of Adam Sandler. I digress again. The representative for Sandler told Vanity Affair that mister Sandler would not attend. No reason was given.

The UFC event is scheduled for the President’s eightieth birthday this weekend. It is being promoted as part of the country’s two hundred and fiftieth anniversary celebration. If you’re old like me, you remember in nineteen seventy six we had things like Operations Sale and CBS, Rand Bison, Sanniel Minutes, and everything was red, white and blue all over the place, and there were like flags with thirteen stars. None of that happening this time. Very very disappointing.

I remember fifty years ago as a kid being like, oh, I can’t wait to the two fiftieth because I really enjoyed this spic centennial. The two fifty is going to be awesome, and it’s just going to come and go. How disappointing. Send your letters to me, I guess Star trek grown Er Patton Oswalt has a new special out today t N Scotch on YouTube. Good discussion with Patten and Vice Vice ass Patten and the liner notes for the George Carland Commemorative Collection.

You said that you thought Carlin entered the millennium with his eyes wide open. Weiss was curious, what material you’re referring to. Paton said, I was referring to a lot of the very painful, self reflective stuff that he puts himself through. As far as the Boomer generation, his generation failed. A lot of the peace, love and understanding stances from the Summer of Love were so easily co opted and marketed.

And he owns it, and he shows how those failures led to a lot of the mess we were in when he was filming his material. I don’t get directly into it in this special, but a lot of the ironic racism and homophobia the gen X indulged in in the late nineties early Oughts set the blueprint for the whole it’s just jokes, doodge that actual racists and homophobes are using now, and we need to own that and find a way beyond that. Every generation does what it can, and every generation ultimately falls short. You got to own your failings and hold him up so the next generation starts from Okay, first off, let’s not do that which I think would apply to the next generation of Star Trek series. You would go back and you would watch Strange New Worlds, and you would watch the Dug the Vulcan episode.

You’d be like, Yeah, we should not have done that. Let’s never do that again. In fact, let’s pay John Delancy a lot of money to show up as c snap his fingers and wipe that out of existence and just say that never happened. Peacard. Humans take time so seriously, and then we just wiped the Doug the Volka.

I digress again, Vice asked Star Trek runer or Patton Oswalt. He stirred up a bit of controversy in twenty fourteen when you admitted that you never found Lenny Bruce funny. Richard Lewis even wrote an op ed in The New York Times responding to what you said, I don’t remember any of that. That’s fun. Have your thoughts changed about Lenny Bruce since then?

Did you get to talk to Richard Lewis after that? Patton said, I spoke with Richard over text and voicemails, but he was also going through a lot of mechal stuff and we never got to get together. But it bothered me that people misunderstood what I was saying were simplified it into a sound bite or poll quote. Me not finding Lenny Bruce funny doesn’t mean he wasn’t funny. I was being honest about how his stuff was too out of context for me to really laugh at.

If I’m really being honest, I can appreciate his genius, acknowledge what he did, and be aware of the dead I owed him as an artistic performer, but his stuff never made me laugh. And that’s me being honest, even if it makes me look bad, which I think Lenny would have appreciated maybe.

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Meanwhile, Spin caught up with the star trek Ruiner patent Oswall.

They asked him about his comedy heroes. He said, definitely people like Prior and Carlin and Steven Martin and Albert Brooks.

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And then once I started doing comedy, was just all my friends.

I got to see Carlin live a couple times, I got to see Leno before I started, But once I started actually getting into clubs, I was hanging out with people like Dave Chappelle, Brian Possain, Sarah Silverman, and David Cross, and those were the people that were really influencing my moment to moment development. The subject went to Heckler’s Patton said people are so used to talking online, commenting on things and reacting things that when someone’s in front of them in real life, they want to comment on that in the moment they think they’re in a constant dialogue with people. Then there’s also jealousy or boredom. There’s nothing more frustrating than Heckler getting tossed out of a show, going, Oh, it’s just trying to hope the show, just trying to make it funnier. I mean, everybody wants to be funny.

Nobody wants to think that they’re not funny. And they asked a Star Trek crew and air patent Oswald about his appearance on Star Trek Strange New Worlds as Doug the Vulcan. Doug said, it was a bleast getting to work with that crew and that cast, being on a set where it was a three hundred and sixty degree practical set. I thought it’d be in front of green screens and stuff, but no, they actually built the hallways and the decks and the rooms in the chambers. It was just a fun world to get some plan.

Were you a Star Trek fan as a kid? I can’t answer that from here. F No, there’s no F and way. I almost dropped an actual F bomb. I’m so upset about this.

Patent said, I’m not deep into the lore because Star Wars kind of captured my brain when I was eight. Yeah, this guy that ruined Star Trek has a bit about he wants to kill George Lucas with a shovel for the stupid things in the Star Wars prequels, and then you go, when you play Doug the Vulcan, don’t come to my neighborhood and drop a deuce on my lawn. Dude, I’m not deep in the lore because Star Wars kind of captured my brain when I was eight, and Star Trek was a little bit ahead of my time. But I know enough about it, and I certainly appreciate how amazing the world is. What are you talking about?

Star Trek was ahead of your time. It came out in nineteen sixty six. I watched it as a kid. I old as Patton Oswalt, he’s fifty seven, also born in nineteen six, And what are you talking about? It was ahead of your time?

It was out before this. This Guyugh, I think we’d better play some commercials so I can calm down, be right back. I am still worked up. I went and pulled the bit. This is from Patton Oswalt.

This bit is at midnight, I will kill George Lucas with a shovel. The premise here is Patton has a time machine and he goes back to nineteen ninety three and runs into George Lucas on the street, and George starts describing the prequels. Now, I will point out to you Star Trek’s Strange New Worlds is a prequel to Star Trek. So everything Patten says here applies to Dug the Effing Volcan. Some edits here for language, but here’s Patton Oswalt being mad about a prequel.

And the first thing I thought of doing if I actually had a time machine is I would go back to around nineteen ninety three or ninety four and killed George Lucas with a shovel. That was the first thing that came to my mind and stop him from making the prequels. That’s how I would try to save history. I mean, I don’t even know how it would erect if I’d just run into him on the street. I going, oh my god, George Lucas, Dude, look, I don’t want to bother you and nerd out, but like, Star Wars is one of my favorite movies, and I just want to thank you, man, just thanks for all that.

It’s so great you like Star Wars. I got some good news. I’m working on the three prequels, the first three chapters. Oh really, you’re gonna do the finally. Oh my god, that’s awesome, dude, I’m so excited.

I can’t wait. Well, hey, you say you’re a Star Wars fan. Do you like Darth Vader? I love Darth Vader. Dude, the helmet and the cape with the sword.

That’s right, man. Is he in the first movie? Yeah, in the first movie you get to see him as a little kid. Is he like a little Damian omen kid like evil and killing people with his mind? Now he’s just like this little kid.

And then he gets taken away from his mom and he’s very sad. You know what’s scary. I’m not even doing a bit. I’m actually this upset. Okay, what else do I have for you?

Are you a new listener? This is the show Francisco Ramo says a new special out today it is called Still Learning. I don’t believe Ramos appears in any episodes of Star Trek Francisco Ramos Still Learning on tvod via Comedy Dynamics out Today, Filmed in New York City, Still Learning dives into the lessons that don’t come with instructions, marriage therapy, eating with other people, and even learning how to dance in the US, from cultural misunderstandings to relationship realizations. The special explores how we’re all still learning, especially when we think we’ve got it figured out. And The Toronto Guardian does their wonderful series Tragedy plus Time, where they speak to local comedians.

One of them is Spencer Glassman, favorite comedian growing up, John Mulaney. New in Town was probably the first special Eye memorized. I also love the s and Ol Weekend Update character Step on which John Mulaney co wrote pre show ritual Jim Tan Laundry and Macha. I don’t drink alcohol or carbonated beverages, so they’re really the only way to get loose or lock in is with sugar and breathing exercises. I’m kind of avoidant, so unless it’s a showcase or a particularly important set.

I don’t decide what I’m going to say until an hour before. Then, right before the show starts, I repeat the mantra, I love the audience. I’m so grateful to be here. I’m so excited I get to do what I love in front of these people. If they don’t laugh, I will not turn on them and start frantically repeating, see you guys hate this huh favorite bit that he’s written.

I have a joke about Steve Jobs super timely I know where I basically say that people made such a big deal about how he wore the same thing every day to maximize productivity. But what was he wearing before that that was so distracting. That’s a good joke, and that is your comedy news for today. Go watch some proper Star Trek. Go watch Star Trek TuS the Doomsday Machine.

Go watch that. Go watch William Windham turn in the best performance in the entire Star Trek series, even better than Sir Patrick Stewart William Wyndham as common or Decker. Go watch that, and don’t forget you can comment. We’ve got the comments on on Spotify, and there’s the Facebook group Deally Comedy news podcast group. You can write things like this show is terrible.

This guy thinks he’s funny. All he does is rant about Star Trek. I hate this show. You could post that, but it will help the Spotify algorithm, and you’ll only be helping me. Another way you’re gonna help me is by sharing the show.

Right, We’re doing that in June. Pretty soon, I’m gonna be demanding proof. You’re gonna have to send in a picture of how you shared the show, because that’s that’s part of the price to get in this month you’re sharing the show. It’s June, Share the show month, all right? Follow the show on Spotify, Turn on notifications so you never miss an episode.

Catch tomorrow,