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The Shark Deck. Hello Johnny Mack with your Daily Comedy News. Jimmy Kimmel hosts the Oscars tonight. Now, normally I record money in advance, but you know what last year’s Oscars taught me. Anything can happen now.
Do I think somebody’s going to slap Jimmy Kimmel, perhaps as a bit, even though I don’t think they would go there that right, That would be awkward. Do I think somebody’s going to get so upset at a Jimmy Kimmel bit that they run up on the stage and slap him. I doubt it. But the Hollywood Reporter today lengthy interview with Jimmy Kimmel, who said he’s prepared for another Oscar night slap. Himmel joked, if I’m bigger than they are, I beat the crap out of them on television.
They asked Jimmy hosting the Oscars one of the most thankless jobs in Hollywood. It’s only gotten worse in recent years. Why do it again? Kimmel said, I think it’s probably I was surprised because I didn’t necessarily think I’d ever do it again or be asked to do it again, and it wasn’t one of those situations where they couldn’t get anybody and they asked me at the last minute. I definitely would have said no if that was the case.
I don’t know. Kind of came out the blue and they clearly got me the right moment. I did wait a week to tell my wife. I thought she might react negatively, but she was very positive, so I said, all right, I’ll do it. Edgy question here from the Holly Reporter.
They said, Bill Kremer recently discussed your appeal to the Academy, noting that your edges aren’t too sharp, but people in the audience feel very safe. Kimmel, Well, first of all, when Bill said my edges aren’t too sharp, I think it was saying is I’m fat. I’d take that as fascinating, and I’ve told him I’m trying to lose weight. I did not fit in. It sucks Heedo, I warned twenty eighteen.
It was disturbing, but I know what he means. Somebody unique position that my job is to make fun of people in Hollywood and then have them sit next to me on the stage. And I’ve had twenty years of practice as far as balancing that stuff out. When I first started doing Jimmy Kimmel Live, I had no practice and there was no balance. I just mowed through the guests and then we wouldn’t have another A list guest for another eight months.
I’m also very conscious of what this is. The Oscars is something and that’s very meaningful to people in the movie industry, and for many of them, this will be the biggest professional night of their lives. The last thing I want to do is ruin it for everyone. They asked Kimmel about the crisis committee that is supposedly in place, noting that they’ve run any scenarios. Kimmel was asked what it’s about, and he said, I wish I knew.
I’ve not been involved in that. I guess I’m the last thing they’re worried about. Holland Reporter. Up until the slap, you were part of the biggest Oscar knight sag in recent memory, hosting the year when they messed up the Best Picture envelope. Remember that happened?
Yeah, Kimmel said, yeah, we got knocked down the list. It’s disappointing in a lot of ways. If you’re going to be part of an f up, it might as well be the biggest fff up. Ever, being part of the second biggest ff up doesn’t carry as much Casher all right, what about the monologue, Kimbell said, it’ll be similar to what I’ve done in the past. I don’t have a lot of talents, so it’s not a huge number of areas for me to draw outside of telling jokes.
I mean, I’m pretty good at drawing cartoons. I guess I could sit down and do character turs at the stars, but I particularly enjoy writing jokes for a specific audience, whether that’d be at the upfronts or a bunch of TV or movie stars. It enables you to be very specific. The best advice I got about hosting the Oscars was from Billy Christie, who told me played to the room. Interesting.
You always have to be conscious of the audience at home and make sure they understand what’s going on, but you also want to get laughs in the room, and if you don’t get that, it’s not going to play well for the people watching on TV. So that’s my focus, not just the actors, but all the various production people in show business. Luminaries. We are sitting there listening to you tell your jokes, and unlike most jokes situations, they’re on camera, so they’re very careful about how they react and that makes it a harder bar to clear. Very very interesting.
Will you joke about the slap? Well, whatever I say about it, it’s gonna have to be great, right because so much has been said, there’s so much focus on it. I obviously don’t want to make the whole monologue about that, but it’d be ridiculous not to mention it. Will they get the show one under three hours? He said, Oh, that’s preposterous.
This show is gonna be a lot longer than three hours. I’ll tell you that right now. Alert the affiliates. We’re going along. I mean, we’ve added all the categories back, so by the virtue of that, it’s gonna be long.
Hopefully it’ll be fun too. I think we have some great performance moments. We’ve got Rihanna. I think it’s gonna be a fun show. But yeah, everybody’s gonna complaint it’s long.
I mean, you don’t have to watch the whole thing. Nobody’s holding a gun in your head. Watch the first fifteen minutes. He can go to sleep. As far as I’m concerned, I love this next answer, what’s it more realistic?
Show length? Kimbell said, Oh, I want to run the show right up to Good Morning America. I want George Stephanopolo stuff to wait eight minutes to come out of his dressing room. Nick Curl caught up with CBS News. I you know, last week was History of the World Part two, and I liked the first movie when I was I don’t know, ten twelve nine.
I don’t know when that came out, but I liked it then, and I just haven’t been able to get myself excited to watch this new one. I don’t know if it’s good or bad. My cousin told me I could wait on it. He gave a kind of a mixed review, so we’ll see anyway. Nick Krole said, I’m never going to be the guy who just rides a motorcycle.
If I were, I’d be the guy at the back of the pack who’s like, oh no, I’m gonna miss the lights. CBS News found Nickkrole working on some jokes at the comedy kitchen. He said, I’m so excited for tonight’s show, even insane lineup. You guys, Kanye West is here tonight. He was asked about working out the jokes and will some of these show up in his next special, and Karl said, yeah, at least it’ll be the base of operations that’ll be tent poles that I’m like, Okay, that joke works well enough to put here quick stop at Gossip Corner.
Will Ferrell was in Indianapolis earlier in the week. He was spotted in the parking a lot of the Beach Grove Walmart last Sunday night, and then another viewer saw him at a Southside waffle house. He also to a Pacers game. He asked Pacers forward Aaron Nesmith, who wasn’t playing in the game because of a sward left hip, if Nesmith wanted a beer. Nesmith said with a chuckle, I’m good.
I appreciate the offer. Though. Jim Gaffigan told Cinnamon Blend, I’ve always loved acting. I remember, you know Phil Hoffman. He was kind of like my Doubelganger.
We know, Jim, you mentioned it in like every single interview. We know you kind of look like Philip Seymour Hoffman a little bit. Maybe perhaps we know enough. He was kind of like my doubelganger, who was this huge Academy Award winning actor. When people are like, are you related to him?
And I’m like, no, I’m not. I just look like him. Just tell people you are Philip Seymour Hoffman. They’ll forget that he died and you can get all his gigs. Philadelphia Weekly they caught up with Jim Jeffries.
Philadelphia Weekly called Jim Jeffries the cocaine bear of comedy. All right, I’ll bite Weekly rites. That is until the time of the pandemic, when Jim Jeffries overhauled his entire life, including giving up booze and drugs, getting married and having a kid, and taking you a vegan diet to live longer rather than his live fast, Die young usual demeanor. Weekly said, I’m always leery of stand up comedians touring on the back of a new TV special or album, something Jeffrey’s debated at the very start of his show at Parks by denying any connection between the two and calling anyone in the audience who believe that sea words. Quite frankly, the c word described almost everybody that Jeffreys put down in Bensalem all of Hollywood, especially Austin Butler for continuing to use a Southern accent from his time in the Elvis movie.
Doing interviews Bill Cosby for wanting to continue to stand up act once out of prison, and anyone questioning some of the more controversial brand names of Australia’s favorite foods, such as cheese and ice cream. Fact is Jeffries uses the C word like most of us use contractions. Let me check out my south By Southwest bookmark and see what’s going on today. Four o’clock Adult Swims The Eric Andre Show. Join Eric and his friends for an evening of live comedy.
All right, Rogie Watts, Sanny Hoenig, Philippias Sparza, DJ Dug Pound and Eric Andre. Not bad? All right? For Clock in the afternoon, we could do that. Six o’clock improv for Humans with Matt Besser.
It’s a podcast taping, but that should be good. Seven o’clock The Sunday Show. Parentheses a stand up comedy Todd Berry, Katherine Blandford, Afia Eisenberg, Stewart Goldsmith, Caitlyn Pallufo. Eight o’clock Live from New York Parentheses stand up comedy. Glad I hypothetically went all the way from New York to Austin to see neior comedians.
Adrian Ia Pollucci Donne, She’s like one of my current favorites. Are you on board with Adrian? You should be Josh Johnson, guess My Al Luftie, Emma Willman, Godfrey. I’m glad I hypothetically came all the way from New York to Austin to see neior comedians. We’re doing that show nine o’clock for twenty show with Matt Besser, ten o’clock Riffs and riff raff with Nick Thune and friends.
Pretty strong for a Sunday, right. This jam session brings Nick Thune together with a variety of musically inclined to comics and an eleven o’clock The Hateful eight Rose battles Torment of Champions Round two. All right, Lance hit Eric Andre at four. That’ll take us to five fifteen. Matt Besser’s show starts at six.
That’ll take us to seven fifteen, and then we can go to Live from New York. I really like that lineup, and I want you to see Adrian Iapolucci. That’s at eight o’clock. That takes us to nine fifteen. Then we’ve got an hour and forty five minutes until eleven o’clock and we’ll go see the hatefully eight roast battle.
Sounds like we’re gonna eat like a slice of pizza and drink a soda. I don’t think we’re getting much dinner tonight unless we blow off Eric Andre and we don’t go out until eight o’clock. We could do that. Should we do that? I do want to eat and I like beers.
Yeah, yeah, I gotta pick away at this next thing. And during the week from Vulture six stand ups analyze chat GPT’s attempts to steal their jobs. So this is the artificial intelligence thing. They had it write some jokes. I’ve done this bit myself on a couple of podcasts.
So what they’ve done is they’ve asked the chat GPT to write jokes in the style of particular comedians and then asked the comedians about it. Today’s comedian Gary Goldman chat GPT as Gary Goldman and said, have you ever noticed that ash you get older, you become more of a collector. When I was young, I’d throw everything away, but now I can’t bring myself to farm with anything. I have a drawer full of old cell phones. Probably paused there for a laugh right, Why, I don’t know.
Maybe some day I’ll need to call someone in the past. Right, you probably paused there for a laughing it. Don’t even get me started on supperware. I have so much supperware I could even open up my own supperware store. But here’s a thing.
I can never find the matching lid. I’m convinced that supperware is playing some sort of cool joke on me. Not awful, Goldman said. The first thing I thought was, I can’t imagine the computer would have an understanding of what in the style of Gary Goldman means. I don’t know what it’s drawing from, because I would have a hard time describing my style.
Next thing, looking at joke number one, the line have you ever noticed? Is this horrific eighties phrase that gave birth to a million comedians. As soon as I hear have you ever noticed? I stopped listening because I know it’s just gonna be another really lazy observation. I have to say, though, there’s one really good line.
Maybe someday I’ll need to call someone in the past. That’s a really good sentence. But then almost to undo it’s good will with me, it says, don’t even get me started on. Gary adds the I can never find the matching lid at punchline. He’s like, ay, you always lose a sock in the dryer joke.
Here’s another one from the chatbot. You know, it’s great about getting older. You don’t care as much about what other people think. It was in my twenties, I was so self conscious. I wouldn’t even go to the beach without a shirt on.
Now I’ll walk around on a speedo and not think twice about it. Of course, now that I’m older, nobody wants to see me in a speedo. But that’s beside the point. Gary said, the speedo thing was a big thing for comedians to talk about in the eighties. But it is kind of impressive that it isn’t mishmash and gibberish.
The computer actually tried to give this joke a tag. Nobody wants to see me in a speedo, but that’s beside the point. You don’t need the but that’s beside the point. But I see what the computer is going for by trying to end it with another laugh. One more from the chatbot.
As you get older, you start to notice things don’t work the way they used to. Like, I used to be able to eat anything I wanted, not gain a pound. Now if I even look at a piece of cake, I gained five pounds. My memories shot. I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast this morning.
It’s like my brain is an elite button and it’s getting a workout. But the worst part about getting older the aches and pains. I wake up every morning feeling and I got hit by a truck. I don’t even do anything the day before. I feel like my body’s punishing me for all the things they did when I was younger.
Now, let me be fair to me. I’m reading a podcast and I have no crowd. I’m not a comedian, never done stand up, but if you tell me to go up and perform this, I would have taken some pauses there and kind of like use some body language and tried to at least coax a laugh. So please be kind to me. Plus, it’s the chatbot.
Gary said, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of comedian talk about having a delete button in the brain. That’s the kind of absurdity I figure would be beyond the computer. Gary said, it’s Siri, but there are comedians who are worse than this. The computer may be able to be a bad comedian, but it won’t be able to convenue. It’s a competent comedian, at least not yet.
It’ll probably be able to write four jokes or kids and things like that before it’s able to write something along the lines of Mitch Hedberger Maria Bamford. A computer cannot replicate Maria Bamford. I’m going to take that challenge. I’m more familiar with Hedberg’s style than Maria’s. Not that I don’t know Maria, but I can channel Mitch.
I’m gonna ask the computer write some Mitch Hedberg jokes about the Oscars. All right, I’ve skimmed these. These are not horrible. Let’s go ready. I’ll watched the Oscars the other nice like watching a bunch of millionaires give each other go with statues without any excitement of a pirate treasure hunt.
The Oscars are like the super Bowl for actors, except instead of touchdowns, they score points for being really good and pretending to be other people. The Oscars are like a fancy Prime for grown ups, except instead of having King and Queen, the best actor and actress instead of punch of an open bar. All right, the oscar is like a fashion show. People can’t afford the clothes. They sit at home and judge other people’s outfits or work sweatpants needing Cheetos.
That’s your comedy news for today. Follow the show Vorfrey on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, wherever you get your shows. Those word bad See you tomorrow. Hello, I am Mark France. This host of Palace Intrigue, the podcast that delves into the daily drama of the British royal family.
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