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The Shark deck. I can’t tell if Late Night has just gotten worse, or maybe the og writers have retired, or maybe the Trump era was just funnier. Late Night is in a slump high. I’m Johnny Mack with your Daily Comedy News. The topic Tom Brady’s lost the other night, and these are I’m tempted to not even do them, but I just want to illustrate that jokes have gone downhill.
Jimmy Fallon. The Cowboys knocked Tom Brady in the bucks out of the playoffs. Yeah, now fans want to know, will Tom Brady retire or retire? Then immediately unretire and that’s like the best of the jokes. Fouland again.
Yeah, after the game, Brady was thinking about retiring, but then he saw the price of eggs and was like, I can’t retire now, Jimmy Fallon again. I don’t know what else Brady wants to accomplish, though. It’s kind of like Jeff Bezos playing Mega millions. It’s like, you already have all the money, Let’s try Kimmel. He was seven and oh against Dallas lifetime.
Now he’s seven and one. Brady was reportedly so upset after the game, he ate a carb. No, one’s all right, Seth Meyers. According to a new reboard, three NFL teams are considering pursuing quarterback Tom Brady when he becomes a free agent, not to mention about a dozen Bocci leagues. Leslie Jones hosted The Daily Show.
We’re gonna get just a touch naughty here. So I try and keep the podcast clean, but I’m going to have to talk about what Leslie Jones talked about. So what did she talk about? And how can I keep it clean? All right?
Say you were really in love with a woman and you wanted to bring her great pleasure, and you would give her a kiss, maybe not on the mouth, like maybe somewhere else. You with me? Okay, that all right. We’re gonna use a code word. We’re gonna use a safe word together for this.
I’m looking at my water bottle. I’m just gonna say water bottle. She said something else to describe thing I just awkwardly tried to not describe you with me. Okay. My next question to you as you listen to this, is this what we want from the Daily Show?
Like, are you really going to hand Leslie Jones? The Daily Show and turn the Daily Show into this. Are you ready? Yes? She showed an image of the doctor Martin Luther King Junior statue that was unveiled in Boston the other day.
To just see this one. I don’t even know how to describe it. If you haven’t wanting to pass the podcast and google it. Okay, you’re back. Great.
Leslie Jones stared at the sculpture for a few seconds. And the sculpture is supposed to picked King and his wife Coreti Scott King in a loving embrace. Leslie Jones had one question for the audience, and here’s our code word coming up. Ready, has anyone in here ever been water bottle? That’s a pretty dirty joke for the Daily Show.
I’m not sure that’s what I want out of the Daily Show, she continued, because they’re celebrating you right now in Boston. Listen. I know doctor King went down in history, but this is not how you show it. Hey, she did a little word play there, then I’m not gonna at such. She then turned to a different camera to speak for a moment directly to any white people watching at home, and said, white people, you don’t need to say stuff about this statue.
You need to sit your ass in the back of the bus for this one. This is a civil rights icon.
And then she added water bottle his wife.
You show some damn respect. She then turns back to the first camera, puts her heads in her hands, and says, Okay, black people, what the f we’re gonna do? You know, it’s messed up when black people and the Proud Boys hate the same statue. See that’s a good joke. Do that.
She added, you know people hated the Eiffel Tower when it first went up. Maybe it’s just a matter of time, and in time we’ll see the statue for what really is Martin Luther king water bottle with his wife? She says, I can’t unsee it. Little too dirty from my taste. All right, this next topic Gutfeld.
I have been accused in the past of not talking about Gutfeld on this podcast. I like talking about Gutfeld. There’s just never any Gutfeld stories. You may recall the other day I told you CNN is thinking about getting into Late night, maybe hiring John Stewart, or in their wildest fantasy is Trevor Noah, who’s never gonna do it. I’ll tell you right now, there’s a better chance.
I’m serious here, I’m one series here. There is a better chance of Trevor Noah guest hosting this show that you’re listening to right now than doing the CNN show. And here’s why. If I got to Trevor Nooh and I was like, hey, you want to host Daily Comedy News. You can do it from your hotel room and I’ll have my staff clean it up.
You just got to risk some headlines for five eight minutes, there’s like the slightest chance that he would go that’s fun. Yeah, I’ll do that. There’s no chance he’s going to CNN and sitting in a desk for two hours, four nights a week, five nights week. Zero chance. Hey, Trevor, if you’re listening, I’ll be happy to take a week off if you want to do it anyway.
Gutfeld. He had an opinion piece on the Fox News website. I will read it to you, Gutfeld says. Turns out, thanks to the smashing success of this show, Gutfeld, which happened because of our awesome fans and my Razor wit and my Washboard abs. Other networks don’t want to hit comedy show of their own.
According to the new site Semaphore, CNN is reportedly considering higher comedian host one of it’s primetime shows. That makes sense. The network is still a joke. That’s mean. Apparently some floated names that included Bill mar Trevor Noir or Seneol Hall and John Stewart.
What Noah Lane Boosler, Elane Boosler, Elaine Boosler. I’m just going to say it, Elaine Boosler anyway, But if they really want comedy, they should relaunch Sann. Plus, that tobacco made me laugh far more than the Dead Crow staple to Chris Wallace’s scalp. But isn’t at the point. Really, CNN was already funny, and they went ahead and they nailed.
And I’m talking, of course about the golden aged comedy Chris Cuomo, Don Lemon, Brian Stelter or is there known in the business the Three Stooges? Those were the days, right, I’m sure he did this monologue better than I’m doing it now. Everything’s ruined. Chris lost his gig after trying to help his brother Andrew fend off a sexual harassment scandal, which is like having Alec Baldwin to teach you gun safety, all right, legitimate joke in there. Skipping ahead a little bit, he said Stetler, sadly for us, took time off to spend more time with his hogies.
Do you know he gave blood last week? That’s how they make Alfredo sauce so disgusting. I know it’s gross. Yeah. He then referenced Norm McDonald to see if I can dust off my Norm impression here, Guttfeld said, take the late great Norm McDonald.
After OJ Simpsons acquittala at ninety five, he said, well it’s officials. Finally if murder is legal in the state of California. The audience roared because they knew it was true, but they also laughed because Norm was saying something. He got the feeling he wasn’t supposed to say, Rumors World. That’s some execs at ABC didn’t want him doing OJ jokes.
Time out. If you want to just lmao, as the kids say, go on YouTube and type in Norm McDonald OJ jokes. There are montage of these things. They’re like forty minutes long, and it’s just Norm riffing OJ jokes and they’re fantastic. You know what, Now that I dusted off my half ass Norm McDonald impression.
Let’s go on lark. I have found on funny one one five dot com some Norm McDonald OJ jokes from February ninety five. Norm McDonald said is buck. Ojay Simpson says that he would have taken a bullet or stood in front of a train for Nicole Man. I’m going to tell you add of some bad luck when the one guy who would have died for you kills you.
That’s probably you don’t get worse luck than that. From January of that year, According to the National Transportation Safety Board, sleepy chuckers are responsible for one thousand deaths a year. In second place, O J. Simpson at two deaths a year. That was so funny.
I couldn’t keep a straight phase of reading it one more And the impression is very half ass. Today I’m aware I’m not nailing it. You don’t have to write me a letter. It was revealed today that OJ Simpson told police that Nicole Brown Simpson used to beat him up. He also claimed that chian Ron Goldman killed him.
There’s a lot of these, all right, This might be the new when I don’t have enough stories, filler thing that I do back to Gutfield. Take the late great norm MacDonald. After OJ simpsons acquittal in ninety five, he said, well, it’s official. It’s finally official. Murder is legal in the state of California.
The audience reared because they knew it was true, but they also laughed because Norma is saying something. You got the feeling was supposed to say. Rumors swirl that some execs at ABC didn’t want him doing OJ jokes. He was willing to break the rules to tell the truth, So how could a network do that while calling Mom’s pregnant people? In order to be effective at comedy, you’ve got to rely on truth, not ideology.
And then the next sentence, I’m going to share it, but it bothers me. This next sentence, I kind of don’t want to even verbalize it, but I want to share it because it think it gives you an overall picture of what Godfeld is doing. So I used to work at a big radio company that you’ve heard of and you’ve heard me mentioned. So when I was there, I would have the staff couple times a year. I’d get together and remind them of the rules.
You know, we were comedy channels, but we were trying to have fun, not insult people or not hurt people, and we’re always, always, always careful about hate speech, and I think this next thing I would have flagged for the staff and be like, don’t do that. What are you doing? Don’t do that? All right, I’m going to back up one sentence them going to read the thing that is chiming my bells Gudfeld. So how can a network do that while calling Mom’s pregnant people?
In order to be effective a comedy, you’ve got to rely on truth, not ideology. CNN is sort of trans in that way, meaning they identify as truthful. It’s a weird joke, Greg be better. Hey. You know how every now and then, I tell you, when I started this podcast, I thought I was going to talk about tours and how many specials and stuff, and then every day it seems to wind up in these horrible places.
Oh and there’s one more horrible story to come, but that’ll be in the second half of the podcast. Let’s do what I thought this podcast was going to be. Nate Burgatzy, He’s got a special coming out soon and the trailer is out. Nate Brigatzy’s Hello World will be released on Amazon January thirty. First, a new trailer for the special shows Nate in his elements.
He’s on a three hundred and sixty degree stage at the Celebrity Theater in Phoenix, Arizona. In the trailer, he tells the joke, I’m the firstborn. We show up. Our parents aren’t ready, they don’t have any money. The youngest just show up in Their parents are trillionaires.
It’s like what’s in upstairs. That’s like a home on top of a home. These special Wild tackled topics like growing up in the eighties and nineties, the hardest part of a marriage, and saying dumb things. And Madonna has released an homage to her nineteen ninety one film Truth or Dare. In this one, we see her playing a salacious round of the game Truth or Dare with some of the biggest and most current names in comedy.
Yes You’re right, that is weird. On is doing a music tour. It’s called the Celebration Tour. She has not become a stand up comic, but in her trailer for her music tour, we see Jack Black Judd appets how Amy Schumer, who once toured with Madonna and some more ALTI comics like Eric andre kpe Rollant, Larry Owens, Bob the Drea Queen, and Megan Statler. Let me talk about what’s going on behind the scenes of the podcast for about a minute.
If that boors, you skip ahead, So in the next few days you might encourage some weirdness. Maybe the feed doesn’t work for like an hour or so. What’s happening is the files are just moving from like that hard drive over there to this other hard drive over there. Why are you doing that, Johnny Mac, I have a deal where where how the commercials are handled are changing. The end goal of that, in full transparency, is so that this podcast can generate more money.
So it’s just moving from company A to company B and then hopefully a company B can sell more. They’re called host read, so it’s me reading the copy as opposed to say the commercial for the Casito that you hear nine times a show and thank you Casino. I really appreciate it. So you’ll start to hear more of that as time goes on, and as we moved the wires from here to there, something weird might happen in the next day or two. But if that does just you know, give it a beat and then come back and download the episode.
Should be fine, and then in a worst case scenario, your phone’s gonna download all previous episodes and you’re gonna want to kill me. Hopefully that doesn’t happen anyway. So that’s what’s going on there. Got a note from Kenny. Kenny is one of the og listeners of the show.
I’ve been listening for quite some time and a monthly member on buy Meacoffee dot com. We sometimes treat emails about coffee. He’s always trying to get me to go to that place with the green logo, and I always go to the national Donus chain. He told me at the Green place, I hear the new pistachio Cream cold brew as a hit this season. All right, I’ll stop by when I’m driving by.
Because Kenny buys me a coffee every month. Least I could do is honor his wishes and try the new pistachio Cream coldbrew. And if you’d like to support the show, like Kenny, go to Buy mea Coffee dot com slash Daily Comedy News and file the instructions on the screen. But the real reason for Kenny’s note is he told me he was listening to five good news Stories. So that’s the podcast they started right around Christmas time.
Low key. You’ve heard the promos at the end of this podcast of five good news stories. It’s five stories and they’re all kind of good news. While we’re backstage, let me tell you. So, I’m trying not to have the show devolve into, Hey, someone’s lost dog came home after six months.
There’s tons of those stories. They’re all great. I’m a big dog person, but I don’t want the podcast to be that every day. I also, I don’t want the podcast every day to be somebody was sick and now they’re not also great news, but I want the podcast to be varied. So I’m mixing in what we call in radio kicker stories.
So a kicker story is when I’m going back to the nineteen nineties when we actually used pieces of paper and stuff, so you would put together a package for your host of you know, here’s the stuff we could talk about today. And the kickers were things you could use or not depending on if you were running short or long. So if you’re running short, you could pull something out, you know, as a smile story is another way to call it and if you didn’t get to it, you didn’t get to it. Now, a lot of those are smiles stories. They’re not necessarily good news, but they’re quirky thing Like there’s one in an upcoming episode of Five Good News Stories about a guy who ordered every topping from a local pizza chain, so he got like a pizza with everything on it, like I mean everything.
So it’s that good news. I don’t know, but it’s fun. So that’s that show Five Good News Stories where if you get your podcast. And he was asking me if Travel is back, we’ll have another season. Yes it will.
I’ve mentioned I have some upcoming travel. On the upcoming travel I’m going to record a whole bunch of things. Got a cool little trip coming up. So those are the podcasts Five Good News Stories and Travel is Back. Those are some other things that I do.
I’m also the Right Around Palace Intrigue and we’ve had a great month, all right. Today the snow Jam Comedy Festival kicks off. Let’s see who’s playing, you know, the snow Jam Comedy Festival. It’s in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. It’s it’s eighth year.
Early in the day, Dan Bublitz, friend of the show, comedian and dude who I’m working on this partnership with. He’s hosting building a Better ePK for your success. That’s at the Spellbound Magic Shop in theater if you’re not in the is And ePK is an electronic press kit. That’s pretty cool. I gotta have Dan on one of these days.
That topic interests me a lot. Dan listens every day. Dan, let’s talk on the side about that. Six thirty PM. Tonight Remedy at Frostbite Comedy Good Name Tonight, six thirty Remedy At six eleven.
Ten comics hit the stage, including Lisa Rossi. So Snowjam army with these bios. So let’s just randomly. I haven’t pre read this, I scam did I looked at the homework. Don’t send me a note, Dan, I did look at it.
I didn’t memorize it. I like doing these things cold. You know that. So Lisa Rossi is one of the performers. She explores the mysteries of marriage, Midwestern life, and why she loves shorten a and French fries so much.
See that’s fun. She’s also played the Omaha Comedy Festival Laugh Riot in La and the name of a comedy festival in New Orleans. I can’t even pronounce. See who else is on that show. Jenny lou Roussy Warner in Ohio Brood in Alaska is her bio.
She began her career at Pierce Street Annex and Alaska Honeder Comedy Chops at the Cleveland imperorv recent winner of the Rivercade Comedy Competition. Credits include real stories of the Highway Patrol. So that’s a six thirty show, and I like a nice early six thirty show, all right, So that’s today ten comics. Then at nine o’clock we let it snow Comedy Showcase, ten more comedians. I love ten comedian shows.
Noah cop fur Let’s check out his bio. He has two specials out on YouTube that’s cool, a full hour titled Deep Breaths and a mini special produced by Don’t Tell Comedy. He’s one of the ten. So is mel Mackie. Melanie Mackie is a quote overwhelming ball of energy from Des Moines.
She used this comedy to pursue her constant need for a tension. I’m digging it. With a background in theater, improv, cheerleading, and gymnastics and a full time job planning weddings. She just wants everyone to have a good time. So that shows at nine snow Jam Comedy Festival.
You guys are bringing it. I mean for me, I meet my buddies at like five, we’d grab a beer or two. Hit the six thirty show. Ten comics dropt down, some notes. Hit a nine o’clock show.
Ten different comics dropped down, some notes. Go back to the room, knock out a podcast, My kind of comedy festival. Nice job, Snowjam Comedy Festival. I’m running along today, all right. Joe Rogan, he’s at the Creek in the Cave in Austin tonight.
He’s also the guest on this week’s Kill Tony. I haven’t listened to that yet, but I have. It’s saved for a long drive I have coming up. Hey, remember the other day it’s talking about Justin Royland. He’s one of the creators of Rick and Morty and Solar Opposites in Koala Man.
That guy. It’s also the voice of Rick and the voice of Morty. So if you like Rick and Morty, he’s kind of cruised to that show. So do the other day that it came out that he was charging twenty twenty with one count of domestic battery with corporal injury and one count of false imprisonment by menace, violence, fraud, or deceit. The Hollywood Reporter picked up the story.
Royland’s attorney called the media coverage of the charge’s inaccurate, adding to be clear, not only is just an innocent but we have every expectation that this matters on course to be dismissed once the District Attorney’s office has completed its methodical review of the evidence from what I gathered. The point of the hollywo Reporter’s article was to observe that Adult Swim has so far declined to comment on the news, adding the show isn’t even halfway through a seventy episode order. Commissioned by the channel in twenty eighteen. The series is consistently the most watched on Adult Swim. There recently completed sixth season average five hundred and sixty thousand viewers for its initial airings.
Meanwhile, on Hulu, Royland plays a main character on Solar Opposites. I’ve actually been workshopping a half ass corvo impression. I’ve almost gotten down. I got to nail the voice little more. But I’ve figured out how you do a corvo.
If you watch Solar Opposites, it’s basically rant, rant on same topic and then a left turn. So it would be like, and I don’t have the voice yet, but it would be like if he were complaining about AstroTurf and baseball, it would be something along the lines of why don’t they play on real grass? And why is the grass green anyway? And whatever happened all Star voting. I liked punching those ballots that, but I don’t have the voice yet.
Not a half half impressions today should just finish up as half ass Jeff Foxworthy. Royland also executive produces and does voice work on Koala Man. He also has a video game company. My son turned me onto. The company is called Squatch Games, and they put out this game in December.
It’s on Xbox Game Pass, which is how I got it. Yes, I’m a big kid. It’s called High on Life. It’s a first person shooter, but it is l O l LMAO, like truly truly funny. So you’re holding a gun, but your gun speaks to you, and the gun speaks to you in ninety nine percent the Morty voice.
The humor is very Rick and Morty. Aid’s basically a Rick and Morty game. But you know, totally not totally legally to stink, this isn’t Rick and Morty at all. What are you talking about? One of those?
The game is a lot of fun. It’s called High on Life. You’ll find out on Xbox Game Pass. It’s seriously funny. Can I spoil a little bit of it?
All right? I’m gonna spoil the games good, bad, thirty seconds. I’ll do it real quick. Spoiler. So, at one point during the game, your character gets a computer virus and like fake ads keep popping up on your screen, so you’re trying to shoot stuff but you can’t see because there’s ads.
Very funny spoiler over all, Right, we’re too long today. That’s your companies for today. Follow the show for free on Apple, podcast, Spotify, YouTube, wherever you get your shows tomorrow. Did you hear about the border collie who recycles trash and when he’s out on his walks, or how about the bear that stole so much Chick fil A but good News left the salad behind. Hi.
I’m Johnny Mack, host of five good news stories. Don’t worry. I have stories about humans too, Like there’s a woman who makes a living because she looks like Jim Carrey. It’s my podcast. It’s five good news stories, five good news stories the number.
Five good news stories twice a week. Five good news stories. Oh, and Shamrock shakes her back too, good news. Five good news stories. Wherever you get your shows