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The Shark Deck Jinny Mack with your Daily Comedy News. I have to go slowly and get this one right. Movie maker was recamping Bert Kreisher’s recent appearance on the Dana Carvey David Spade podcast Fly on the Wall. Burt starts telling a story about Will Smith, and I’ve done a little digging and I see he has told a Will Smith story as far back as twenty fourteen. Okay, so this is not Bert being opportunistic here, but the story caught my eyes because MovieMaker’s headline is Bert Kreisher mistakenly thought Will Smith and twelve other dudes wanted to have sex with him.
Okay, I’ll read. So it’s way back when Rolling Stone did the cover story about Bert Kreisher which launched his career. If you don’t know what that is, he was named the top partier at the number one party school in the country. Shall we stop off there? Sure?
Why not? April seventeenth, nineteen ninety seven, Rolling Stone the headline, Bert Kreisher the undergraduate. It’s taken the Florida State University students six years to become the man he is today, the top partier at the number one party school in the country back in ninety seven, they wrote the other day. On a Tuesday, shortly before the noon hour, Bert Crazier splashed a bit of peach tree schnops into a glass of orange juice, topped it off with zovadka, and thought he’d probably skipped class. He was a student at FSU.
Bert yawned and scratched at some of the stubble on his chin. He stuck a finger to his drink and tinkling the ice cubes floating around there. He thought about the day. If he didn’t go to class, he’d played frisbee instead in the early evening. He had always a few beers at home, then hit the bars until some o’clock in the morning.
Tomorrow, maybe he’d go to class, but without doubt he’d be drinking again by sundown. Hopefully he wouldn’t black out. Odds were against his blacking out because he hadn’t in a while. Then, looking forward in time, Burt saw Thursday evening a great big bash on his back deck with a live band and lots of beer. Friday evening getting sasas wherever.
Finally Saturday, he’d be super loaded before, during, and after the football game beyond that, into the further reaches of adulthood. He could not see why should he. He was deeply in the moment of now again. This from nineteen ninety seven fascinating right skipping ahead. He’d run twice for office at his fraternity Alfa Tau Omega.
The first time he made his big campaign speech in the nude and lost. The second time he dropped the idea of a speech. Instead, he appeared before his brothers in the nude and took a crap on a pizza box. General Bedlamon sued he won by a landslide. The rest of the story is Paywald.
All right, let’s get back to having sex with Will Smith, Gracier told David and Dana six months in Will Smith discovers me, I’m doing stand up. Six months I’m working the door at the Boston Comedy Club. I go to meet Will at the record studio or wherever, and he goes, you’re cool, man, we should go. We should hang out. And I’m like, yeah, thinking call me and we’ll hang out one day.
And he goes, what are you doing to night? And I’m like nothing, and he goes, let’s go to the movies. Gracier calls his dad, and Dad goes how to go, and I say, good, We’re going to the movies, and my Dad’s like on a date. Oh buddy, I think he wants to clean get up hook up with you. Gracher says, Dad, that’s impossible.
Dad says, what’s more likely the fact that you’re so talented in the six months of doing stand up that the biggest movie star in the world wants to do a sitcom with you, or that he’s tired of and I’m really cleaning this up women parts and he wants to hook up with you. I quite paraphrase there. Bert says, what do I wear? Following his father’s advice, Kreisher said he dressed as sloppily as possible and overalls at a sweater. He meets Will Smith at Planet Hollywood.
Someone tells him to go downstairs, quoting Bert here, Then there’s ten black dudes in this room waiting for me. I’m doing the math. I’m like, I’m sure he’s bringing Jazzy Jeff. That’s the thirteen dues I’m gonna hook up with tonight. He shows up with Jazzy Jeff.
I swear to God there was no sex involved, and he said it was a good movie, so it’s curious about this. And back in twenty fourteen, Bert Kreisher told the version of the story to the A V Club. In that version, he says, Will Smith’s boys discovered me in a club and they told me, I want to do a deal with you, but you have to get Will to like you. If Will likes you, it’s a deal. And I was like, done my head, this was my sweet spot.
I’m a huge hip hop fan. I’d have been a huge Will Smith fan since parents just don’t understand. I knew everything there was to know about Will Smith’s I was like, you just sent the stallion into the Kentucky derby. Anyway, I went to the music studio where he was working. They were like, mister Kreisher walking here, mister Smith will be in a second.
I walked in. It was a huge dance studio. I mean mirrors everywhere. There was a ballerina bar and two folding chairs in the center, and they said grab a seat. I grabbed a chair with my back towards the door, and Will Smith walks in two minutes later like a hurricane of personality, and I’m like, oh, oh my god, I love you.
I love hip hop, but I love Biggie. I love Tupac? Who killed Tupac? Who killed Biggie? Did you know he was on the cover of my Rolling Stone magazine?
I love Jada? Did she have sex with Tupac? I love black people. I literally rambled to him for an hour and he listened. When there’s a break, he would interject with a very poignant inside and I was like, this guy is amazing.
It was almost like a perfect date. Then all of a sudden, he was like I like you, and I was like I like you. And he said, what are you doing to night? And I said and I was like nothing. And he said, let’s go to the movies and I was like perfect.
He said, meet me at Planet in Hollywood at seven. I was like done, So I get up and walk out. Bert then tells a very similar version of what I just told you about the conversation with his dad. In the twenty fourteen version, Bert shows up wearing overalls on a sweater gets the Planet in Hollywood. He asked if Will Smith is there, and a woman says he’s in the back.
Bert goes to the back and there’s a mannequin of Will Smith and I go, no, I’m looking for the Will Smith to see Will Smith. And she was like Sun movie stars don’t hang out a planet in Hollywood. But I was like, do you mind if I wait for him? And she said sure, knock yourself out anyway. And I’m sitting there and all of a sudden there’s a six foot seven three and or fifty pound black dude named Charlie Mack who’s a real dude.
There’s a song about him. And he says, hey, are you Burt? And I go yeah, and he goes downstairs. I get downstairs. There’s nine black dude sitting in a room with a folding table in the middle, and I’m like, are you joshing me?
It’s one room with a velvet curtain on all walls. And he goes down here. I sit down. I don’t make eye contact with a soul. All I’m thinking about is the math of how much paraphrasing here sex?
I’m going to have this evening. Will Smith comes in with Jazzy Jeff and I’m like, how many guys is this? Will looks at me and he’s like, guys, this is the guy, and everybody starts walking right at me and I’m literally about to grab aty when the curtain’s open and a beautiful private movie theater shows up. Well, it looks at me and says, grab a seat. I’ll grab his drinks.
We watched American Pie. It was beautiful. I had the greatest time. He was awesome. At the end of the night, he goes, what’s you think?
And I go, it was great. He goes, no, what’d you think of the room? I go, it was beautiful and he said, what about the people at it? He said, you were a hip hop fan? Look around?
So I look around it. He goes, that’s bismark key. That’s cool mood. And I’m like, holy crap. And all I’m thinking to myself is I could have had sex with bizmur Key.
I quite cleaned that up. Cracked has some more about that. William Shatner’s story I’d Telled You. Shatner shared an anecdote where he did stand up as James T. Kirk.
Shatner’s idea was that he would perform as Captain Kirk. The arising would be really funny if the Starfleet captain wants to be a stand up comic but he doesn’t know how to do it. That meant delivering purposely hacky material, telling the worst jokes possible that take my wife please kind of humor. Shatner recounted the crowd stared at him with their mouths open and awe realizing they were in the middle of a complete disaster. Nobody laughed because they were too busy being stunned at this colossally bad idea.
Shatner said, it was probably the worst thing that ever happened to me. Nashville Seeing caught up with Sarah Silverman. They asked her, do you find your jokes hit differently in red states or blue states? Sarah said, I mean, yeah, sometimes I know about this drag bill had just passed. That’s gross, and obviously I have a lot of abortion material.
It’s why to go to states where it’s illegal, But I think all the more reason to be talking about it’s just so bizarre. Every state is both, really. I mean, people think of California is so blue, but there’s so much red in California if you go to Orange County and Sacramento and all those blazes. That’s why I love doing those days, because people are like to come out for it doesn’t represent everyone in every state. And I like to think I can be entertaining at anybody, but I’m not for everyone.
I’m far less political in my stand up, but I still am. I talk about abortion, gay rights, gay stuff, so yeah, it’s always interesting. But I feel like in red States it’s even more appreciated to be honest. But yeah, Tennessee, man, I love it, love hate. I mean, I’m from New Hampshire, which is the same kind of like blue and red, but lots of red, but loud, proud blue.
Two. Not to be so partisan, I’m as left as you can be, but I get annoyed with others on the left as well. Nashville Scene followed up and said, you mentioned the drag bill. Sarah said, yeah, like, are we gonna stop car shows because that would be fair as well. It’s just so bizarre to Sandison, Florida two.
This is kind of like anything this is anti WOGA doesn’t matter if it hurts people, helps people. It’s just vindictive. It’s purely ego based stuff, and they’re hurting people. Just gross. I mean, and this is the Party of Less Government telling us what shows we’ve been put on.
Fu Sarah adds, I bet Dolly Parton will speak out because she’s Tennessee Royalty and no one supports drag more than her. She considers herself as drag. She’s putting on a face, a mask, in a wig, and she puts on this outer shell that she thinks of his drag. And there are so many drag dollies and she loves them, she supports them. I hope she’s outspoken about this.
I bet she will be. I love her so much. She’s one of the few things that right and the left can agree on. The Delli parton is the stuff. If you enjoy what I do here, one way you can support the show is become a premium subscriber on Apple Podcasts or five dollars a month.
You’ll get the episodes ad free and a little bit early. By a little bit early, I mean usually the afternoon before official release, and you can test drive that for free for a month if you want to check that out. They’ve announced a sequel to to Ghostbusters Afterlife, and I don’t know. I get what they’re going for here, but I wonder if it’s two on the Nose added to the cast. Patton Oswalton, Camil nan Gianni and I’m really reacting to the patent casting.
I feel like it’s two meta. I can’t imagine watching that movie and not being like, that’s Batton Oswalt, that’s Batten Oswalt. James a Cast also in the cast, joining Paul Rudd and Carrie Coon. The movie slated to come out December of this year, so they’re gonna have to get moving. I don’t know.
Quick note, I’ve been on the various reddits about stand up comedy and I’m noticing a lot of negative reactions to Bert Kreisher that the latest special did not go over well, and people are discussing if Bert Kreisher is a hack. He apparently had a couple of bad podcast appearance as well, and people aren’t feeling the special and the buzzes off Burt right now, we’ll keep an eye on that. That’s surprising. Jimmy o Yang, he’s fantastic. He’s got another special coming to Amazon.
It’ll launch May second, in good Deal. Jimmy Oyang will poke fun at Love Languages, Loser Friends, and negotiating with his Asian parents and the Chief Comedy Festivals coming to Trinidad, Colorado May fifth and sixth. In the Big Boxes, Ron Lynch and Emma Arnold. Are your headliners Emma Arnold? You know where she’s from?
Canada? Nope? Ohio Nope, Idaho, Yes, Boise, Idaho, Idaho apparently the hotbed of comedy in twenty twenty three. Among the people performing at the festival a friend of the show, Dan Booblitz. If you missed the episode eight days ago, I spent an hour talking comedy with Dan, and he hinted about an unnamed festival at which he might be appearing.
Dan, looks like we’ve solved the mystery. Huh, can’t keep anything secret from Daily Comedy News. I’ve got sources everywhere. I found out about this from an insider. Sources close to Dan Booblitz told me he’d be at the Chief Comedy Fest again.
That’s coming up in May. And that’s your comedy news for today. Follow the show for free on Apple, podcast, Spotify, or YouTube wherever you get your shows. See you tomorrow.
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Five stories. They’re all good news. It’s called five Good News Stories. No negative news, just kid news. Nice easy way to start your day.
Hopefully smile. Hi, I’m Johnny Mack, host of five Good News Stories. So you get the premise, there’s five stories and they’re all good news, So the number five good news stories. Five good news stories follow the show wherever you get your podcasts.