Matt Damon vs Andrew Schulz PLUS Shane Gillis dies to the Deep State?

🎙️ Listen to this episode:

▶ Spreaker  | 
🍎 Apple Podcasts  | 
🎵 Spotify


Full Transcript

Caloroga Shark Media. Hi there, I’m Johnny Mack with your Daily Comedy News that Memi Matt demon is picking on poor Andrew Schultz. It’s all in good fun. It is promote Andrew schultz upcoming Netflix special. They put out a sketch of swords.

They’re sitting in a diner. It’s three and a half minutes long, and let me play some of it for you. Have pulled out a couple of the naughty words, and I’ll stop it after a joke here, So I’m not gonna play three and a half minutes, but let’s take a listen. Schulpsye, shultze, shultzy, sheltzy. Matthew, Hey, cute baby.

I didn’t get the amber alert. Hey Matt, how are you? Hey Matt, how are you? It’s always good to see Good to see you too. Me.

Yeah. What are you two up to today? Jesus, we are celebrating my new specials coming out. Oh nice? Yeah?

What do you stand up there and grow mustache? Actually, if you want to know, it’s about my wife and I trying to make a baby. It’s like like red tube. Like what it’s red tube? Man?

No, not like red tube. What are you talking about weird out? We had a lot of trouble getting pregnant. Oh oh, I’m sorry, Thank you. I appreciate that.

Well you should have come to me for that. Come to you for what. Well, I know everything there is about being born right. You can use that in your skit if you want. Andrew eventually tells Damon, do me favorite, don’t watch the special.

It’s not for people like you. Damon is mad. What does that mean people like me? I’ll watch your effing I’m shooting Blank’s comedy special as much as I effing wants you. I’ll watch it twice.

Damon then shouts to the rest of the people in the restaurant, Hey, everybody, Andrew Schultz’s a comedy special about how some of his reproductive stuff wasn’t working that great, and we’re all gonna watch it. F you, I’m watching it now. I wasn’t gonna watch it, but now I’m gonna watch it. Schultz share some more details about the special, Damon says, I better not tell you. Don’t tell me what I get to tell people.

I’ll tell people whatever I want to tell. Everybody, This dumb ass right here is a special about his low sperm Count and it’s on Netflix. Fun really great job on this one. Damon was on Top Pop his podcast last August and Damon was talking about his old New York apartment and said, my friend Larry Schultz and his wife Sandra lived above me, and they had these two kids, Greg and Andrew, and they would skateboard around me. My whole life I watched these kids grow up.

Damon explained it. Years later, he bumped into a friend and it turned out they both knew the Schultz family. The mutual palse at my friend grew up on that building. Damon said, Oh, yeah, Andrew, Larry’s boy. What’s he up to?

He was then told he’s a very very successful stand up comedian. Schultz told people met’s the man. We were on the trailer right before we filmed, just riffing on the script, and his ideas were hilarious. They made the sketch so much better.

Also, he’s a movie megastar with no ego.

It’s incredibly rare in this business. Life is Andrew Special’s March fourth on Netflix. There’s a theory floating around that Shane Gillis apparently is connected to the Shadow Government somehow Crack dot Com had the story. Now this comes from the podcast war Mode. Warmode’s co host is Billy McCusker, who is the brother of Shane Gillis’s podcasting partner, Matt McCusker.

Anyway, on the war Mode podcast, Spud explained the theory the new head of the CIA. He wanted to note, youre dame okay, But the dude that was head of the CIA before him went to Trinity High School with Shane’s father, Phil Gillis. The guy who is the CEO of bud Light was in the CIA. Ah, this is all starting to make lots of sense, isn’t it. You see, Spud explained intelligence.

There’s a lot of people from West Point that are intelligence. There’s a lot of people that are in entertainment that are in intelligence. Usaid was paying all these people money to do that stuff. Why do you think the guy that used to work at the CIA goes to Budweiser. He knows there’s a bunch of trans money on the table, he’ll take it.

Who cares, He’ll go get Shane Gillis. So I mean at this point, Shane’s an asset. At this point, McCusker insisted that spud has gone too far cracked wonders if Lorne Michaels is part of the deep state. Hmm. Shane Gillis hosts SNL this weekend.

Alec Baldwin, who, by the way, before we even get into the story, let’s just point out there’s a new Netflix series called The Baldwins. And it’s funny how now anytime somebody has a new Netflix series, they wind up in a controversy of sorts. I’m not going to promote the comedian here because let me tell you the story and they’ll explain why. So Alec Baldwin appear too nearly come to blows with a Trump impersonator near Alex’s apartment in Manhattan. There’s obviously a camera running, and there’s obviously a man dressed up as Donald Trump.

So here’s why I don’t want to promote the comedian, because you’re going out of your way to be annoying. So whatever you think of Alec Baldwin, he’s there. He’s getting his cars out of a town car. He’s tipping the driver. The Trumpet personator walks up to him, dressed in a Trump outfit and offers Alec Baldwin quotes a full parton for murdering that woman if Baldwin will kiss the ring.

Newsweek reminds us Baldwin was never charged with murder, and this all refers to the incident during the filming of the movie Rust. Baldwin was charged with involuntary manslaughter. That charge was dismissed by New Mexico State Court in October twenty twenty four. So here’s Alec again, whatever you think of him. He’s unloading his car.

A guy walks up dressed as Trump, and Baldwin says, now, let me ask you a question. My kids live in this building.


And then baal would kind of lost it and said, if this camera wasn’t here at s…

You realize that, don’t you. I want you get out of here. I’ll take that camera and I’ll shove it up your behind. So, like you know, if you’re a Trump personare you’d be a Trump personator, don’t walk up to people on the street with the camera. Just I have no patience for that.

From the San Diego Union Tribune, they had a conference call with Jerry Seinfeld and Jim gaff Again, I’ll tell you what they said. Now, I’ll switch back and forth here. I will do Jerry as and if you’re a new listener, this is half ass angry Jerry Seinfeld. So it’s not the Jerry of did you ever notice that? Da Da Da?

I don’t do that one. I do the half ass, slow burn angry Jerry Seinfeld from the sitcom what do you mean? Da da Da? So I’ll do Jerry like that, and I don’t know what I’ll do Jim as, but Jim will be the other voice. And again I’m putting a spin on this.

I’m sure this is not the way Jerry said any of this. The question what is it about each other that makes your relationships click? Well, a holla. We just complained about everything, Seve. It’s funny.

Seventh is really not doesn’t really matter which which we know we’re spoiled babies. It would be wildly appropriate to complain about some of the things we complain about. We you like in the weave of this carpet. People are dealing with real crisis, and I don’t like that. It’s very strange.

The lobby of this hotel. Comedians are embarrassed, made out extremely difficult. They find it to talk to anybody who isn’t a comedian. It’s a real struggle. We put on a show for regular people that were normal and any When we get to be with each other, we take off this ridiculous I’m normal suit be ourselves.

There’s an absolute struggle when you’re put into a normal environment. Not to say there’s anything wrong with this, but comedians like to embrace our cynicism without someone being offended or thinking we’re suicidal. I have a summer house in the Haptains. I said to Jim, here’s a cop, and he said, but when people invite me to dinners and parties, he was worried that he would like it if people want to subgialize on them. I think Jim is one of the best and functioning normally.

He’s really good at it. I’ve got you fooled. It’s a great act. Comedians go on stage and talk and they give the impression that there’s these social people. I’m not sure this bit is working at all, but I’m committed.

They’re like actors who can’t deal to change the rejection. And I consider myself an actor. They put themselves in rejections way. The San Diego Union Tribune ask them, you’ve both had great success in life. You don’t need to tour as much as you do will keeps you both going.

We don’t need to work. It’s not to spend money. We’re both just hanging on financially. There is a sense Jerry and I talk about this, the fact that we have figured out this passion. I’ve got such gratitude surrounding it that I don’t want to take it for granted.

The mode is in the process. So writing, editing, and performing are the only things I like in my life. It’s like for me, then there’s these people who only feel live on stage. But if I go a couple days without performing, I get a little grippy. I need that endorphin rush.

I just like being in that world. I never felt at home on Earth till I walked into a comedy club. It’s how I feel right. I’ll save the rest of that for the weekend and perhaps read it differently. I try.

The Slow Comedy Festival opens up today in San Luis Obispo, California. Tonight at seven o’clock, it’s Marvelous Mayhem kicking off the fifteenth Slow Comedy Festival with a fantastic lineup, Tom Tran, James p Connolly, Mandy Simonson, Paul Griffiths, Laura Hayden, Ray Lao, Aaron Rosen, Matthew co and Adam Yenzer are your performers now. Advance tickets twenty nine dollars and fourteen cents. Door tickets thirty dollars. Where’s that eighty six cents going?

Guys? Mm? If you don’t like that show? Provocative Banters at seven thirty, same pricing scheme, we’re told this is an amazing cast of international headlining comedians. At eight o’clock, Djokodelic Tales.

Now this one has the best comedians from around the globe, which is different than the seven to thirty show, which was international headlining comedians. At eight thirty, it’s the comedian Exhibit. Now, this is a different pricing scheme. This one is twenty six forty six if you bought in advance, but at the door thirty dollars. So my question is where’s that extra three dollars and fifty four cents going?

Hmmm? Keep an eye on the Slow Comedy Festival. I feel like this used to be called the slow Jam. Every time I say slow I want to say slow jam. Maybe I made that up, but I don’t know why I would have made that up.

Eric Shanz is the Slow Comedy Festival founder. He told the Slow Review dot com year fifteen is going to be a banger. We got forty comedians, twenty one shows and ten venues over four wild nights. Here and oh. Netflix and Warner Brothers are being sued by Pepperdine University.

What’s This about? Pepperdine claims that the upcoming basketball comedy series about a Los Angeles pro basketball team called The Waves violates the trademarks of Pepperdine. Pepperdine Senior VP Sean Burnett said in a statement, it was necessary to address the flagrant disregard of our intellectual property and the damage to our institutional identity together with Netflix’s and Warner Brothers continued refusal to resolve Pepperdine’s concerns. The series is called Running Point. It stars Kate Hudson as a reformed party girl who is unexpectedly placed in charge of her family’s pro basketball team.

The series is set to premiere today. Pepperdine says that the logo and blue and orange branding use for the show’s waves are strikingly similar to the Pepperdine Waves, who have played NCAA basketball in the LA area for over eighty five years. Now interesting, Pepperdine said, both the show’s mascot and the school’s mask we got both where the number thirty seven. The lawsuit says that as a Christian university, Pepperdine would be irreparably harmed by being associated with the show, whose trailer includes cursing and references to sex, alcohol, and illegal drug use. The case is Pepperdine University versus Netflix, Inc.

In the US District Court for the Central District of California. That district Comedy news for today, See you Tomorrow.