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Caloroga Shark Media. Oh man, buckle up. I’m going to tell you about the porn star that’s mad at Eliza Slessinger and how in the same story you get Matt Rife and Osama bin Laden. Yeah. Hi, I’m Johnny Mack with your Daily Comedy News.
But let’s ease into it with Late Night. Stephen Colbert had to cancel his episodes for the week. He has a ruptured appendix. Colbert was on social media and said, sorry to say after cancel our shows this week, I’m sure you’re thinking turkey overdose, Steve Gravy boat capsize. Actually, I’m recovering from surgery for a ruptured appendix.
Canceled guests include Barbara Streisan, Jennifer Garner, Patrick Stewart, Kelsey Grammer. I assume they’ll be rescheduled at some point. Colbert said, I’m grateful to my doctors for their care into Eve and the kids for putting up with me. Going forward, all emails to my appendix will be handled by my pancreas.
Meanwhile, Newsweek tells us Jimmy Kimmel didn’t hold back when he brutally d…
Green has a new book she’s looking to promote it. She tweeted, Hey, Jimmy Kimmel, since most of your show content is your NonStop lies about me, why don’t you have me on your show. I’ll bring you a copy of my book and we can chat about what needs to happen to All caps save America. Kimmel on his show said, I guess I’m a Hollywood libtard that’s part of the celebrity pedophile Satan club. Until she has a book to promote, then I’d love to swing by.
This woman called the police on me for a joke and now she wants to be a guest on the show. Though I have to admit part of me wants to invite her here so I can let her wait for an hour down to the green room doing power squats and then bump her, even just to screw with Matt Damon. It would be fun, but I also don’t want Rabi’s. Kimmel then looked at how Green’s book was doing on the charts and said on Amazon it’s ranked number nine and forty six. It’s ranked number sixty five in the Women’s Buyer fhy category, which puts it fifty places behind a book written by Kanye’s ex girlfriend, fifty one places behind Michelle Obama’s book from twenty eighteen, fifty four places behind Michelle Obama’s other book in sixty places behind Paris Hilton’s Paris the Memoir.
Marjorie Taylor Green’s book is such a bomb, I might have to report it to the Capitol Police. On November sixteenth, Jimmy revealed he’d received a letter from Trump Media and Technology Group. That’s the organization that runs Trump’s social media site. It requested that Jimmy Kimmel retracted a statement he had made. Apparently, Jimmy had suggested that truth Social had lost seventy three million dollars since its launch.
However, Jimmy and his team went back and checked their filing with the SEC, and it turned out truth Social had lost thirty one point six million dollars. Kimmel told viewers several credible sources were reporting truth Social had lost that other amount, which eventually turned out to be incorrect. Jimmy said, in other words, and in fairness, truth Social is in a colossal failure. It’s only an abysmal failure. And I’d like to do the right thing and congratulate our balloon animal former president and his company on only losing thirty one point six million dollars for you.
That’s pretty good. That’s one of your best performances yet. Listeners to this podcast can send their letters to Jimmy Kimmel. Tiffany Hannish said about her dy, this will never happen again, She told Entertainment tonight, I’m going to get some help so I can learn balance and boundaries. Pornstar Miya Khalifa has left sashed out at Eliza Slessinger.
On Monday on Instagram, Eliza criticized people who had been targeting her with messages over speaking out against anti Semitism. In a lengthy post, Eliza Slessinger wrote, this neo liberal wet dream that’s supporting Hamaster. Using the word genocide when it comes to Israel from thousands of mile away with no context, makes you look informed or ahead of some social curve. Is an actual nightmare for those of us who can’t just set this down when the high of being a social media crusader wears off. In another section of Liza said, what living in a free country is only good when you want to safely spout code a Jewish hatred.
But your agency’s freedom to not support you back is where you feel you’ve been violated. Tell that to the innocent Jews being assaulted across the globe. What about their freedom? Guess it doesn’t count. Freedom works both ways.
You’re free to have an opinion and people are free not to support you. F around and find out that post caught the attention of Mia Khalifa, the former adult film star. Last month, Khalifa lost some business contracts after a Twitter post about Palestinian quote freedom fighters unquote On Twitter, Khalifa took a screenshot of Slessinger’s Instagram post and tagged it with I do not support all women some of you be words are very dumb. Then there’s Matt Rife. Matt was on the canceled with Ton of Mango podcast and I think it’s best if I just let Matt speak for himself.
Here are the words of Matt Rife now before I play them. I don’t think this clip was edited. I pulled the audio from a video clip and I don’t think the audio has been manipulated. I saw several sources and they all had the same audio, but I do want to allow for the possibility that the audio has been manipulated. I’m not accusing anybody of anything, but just when you hear the clip, I don’t want to just like throw a water balloon in Matt Rife’s direction and run away.
So I want to be fair, but I don’t think the audio is manipulated. That said, I’m going to do a couple edits here I once alter the context of what Matt is saying. I’m just trimming it down for flow so that I don’t play a minute and a half clip here here are the words of Matt Rife. Who do you hate? Come on?
That’s the thing. I don’t really to hate anybody. I don’t. Here’s here’s a very humbling experience that I’ve I guess epiffan that I’ve had recently because so many people hate me for really no reason. And it really made me realize that like people only hate somebody they’re jealous of.
And I’ve been I’ve been guilty of hating people. And when I really sat back and thought about it, it was because I was jealous of where that person was in their life. I felt like maybe they got an opportunity that I should have gotten. So now that I’m doing so much better for myself, I don’t have that energy towards anybody. I really don’t like.
I’m happy and very lucky to be where I’m at right now. So I don’t have like a beef with anybody. And I was gonna fight somebody, it might be like, I don’t know, it might be like Will Smith or something. He seemed to have a good right hook, right. No.
I love Will Smith, but I’m like, hey, if a he’s in great shape, it’s a great competition. And be he hit Chris Rock, So I was like, as part of the comedy community, I feel like that was a really really good, well rounded answer. I’m trying to wrap my head around. Do you think people who hate Osama bin Laden are jealous of him? Yeah?
Of course, of course they’re mad that he wasn’t the one calling the shots. Of course, everyone wants to be the one with the remote. Yeah, that’s tough. The Messenger caught up with Gabriel Iglesias. He’s forty seven and says, at this point in his life, I’m just trying to live long enough to spend the money.
That’s my motivation. It’s going very well. He jokes. He used to have hair, hope and happiness, and you know now we’re here. Gabe used to weigh four hundred and thirty seven pounds, and twenty thirteen he was told he only had two years to live.
He’s dropped over one hundred pounds in the years since. So I met Gabe when we launched Comedy Central Radio and the press release for that I just looked it up, went out on May fifteenth, twenty thirteen. So I met Gabe in twenty thirteen. You know, not these guineas fellow I’ve ever met, But I wouldn’t have guessed four hundred and thirty seven pounds around then. Cool guy, exactly who you think he is.
On his health, Gabe says, I’m very good about seeing doctors regularly, and I think that’s the biggest thing because before that wasn’t the case.
And now I’m scheduling things, I’m keeping my appointments and taking my medi…
Some very very involved. Before I was just letting this train run crazy. Heather McMahon responded to some criticism. She said, this guy was like, man, you really go in on married life and your husband Heather said, guys have been doing this forever. Just because I’m a woman, it seems a little jaring.
Alli Wong talked about her family. Amy Schumer talks about her family, all these other families people talk about their families. When the girls do it, people have to say something about it. How long have men been talking about how crazy their wives are and how their kids are driving them nuts? Desi Leidach talked about the Daily Show being off during the strike, and you know, did she miss doing specific news stories?
An example she thought of were the Trump indictments, and she said, you think now would be a good time to be on the air and unpacked this and talk about the ridiculousness of all this. You have good news days and bad news days, and that was a damn good news day. But for me, the story that I most desperately wanted to be on the air for was when all flight passenger had a horrible number two incident all over the airplane. I believe they described it as quotes all throughout the airplane. I just went like, come on, of all days, that would be such a great day, What an easy story.
We know our audience. Okay, so no indictments, not women’s reproductive rights. No, it was the day the gentlemen had an epic accident on a delta flight that I thought that people need to know this. As for guest hosting the Daily Show, she got a shot last week after Trevor left and there was an opportunity for some of us to get to sit in and try it on for size. I of course raised my hand, went put me and coach.
Those opportunities don’t always come along, sometimes never, and certainly rarely, so of course I wanted to jump in and give it a try. See. It was like if they ever let me the scary thing. Because I’d never done it before, I didn’t know could I do it, how would it go? Would I enjoy it?
I knew that walking into it. Out of all the sport in the world. From the team, we have the most incredible team of writers and producers and colleagues that I have worked with for eight years. It’s a machine. They’re very, very good at what they do.
I loved every step of the process. I loved the morning meeting and sitting in a room with some of the funniest people in the business and the smartest people in the industry, and cracking jokes, and then the rehearsal process and the rewrite. It all moves so quickly. They’re a well oiled machine there. But every step of the process was so much fun.
So quote Evil Bill Angvall was at the National Donuts chain again at his corner, drinking his coffee, but real Bill Angvall caught up with Fox News and discussed why he moved out of California moved to Utah. Bill said, we were in California for thirty years. We had a good time. We had a great time. I always said, if you can’t find something to do in California, you’re not you know, there was nothing in California that we ever went, Oh my god, we got to get out of here.
I still have a funness for California, and like I said, if work comes, it’s probably gonna come out of LA I still go back and do TV shows, you know, talk shows, stuff like that. I’d accomplished everything I want to do in the business.
And then also economically, I mean, the taxes were just becoming insane, and …
But I don’t hate California. I felt more at home. If that makes sense. I mean, I’m from Texas and I love Texas, but I don’t know if I could ever move back there. It’s got its pluses and minuses, just like every state does.
But I never saw Utah on our radar at all, you know. But again it was probably my narrow mindedness of judging what it was like.
And then I got to realize, oh, this is nothing like what I thought.
In his upcoming special, here is your sign, It’s finally time my last show, Billing Vall does make some sort of joke at California and says I probably could have left that one out. Wasn’t really necessary, but you know, it was a joke. Not sure what the joke is, but billiing Ball specials out December fifth. The founder of Students for Trump is Ryan, and Ryan asked Roseann a question, who do you think President Trump should choose as his VP pick. Roseanne said me.
That started a little social media flurry. One Twitter user wrote love Roseanne, but no, Another said no, I like her as a comedian, but not a VP pick. A lot of what she says is distasteful. Trump already has a hard time getting the berb women a vote for him, with Barr they would double down and vote for anyone. But back in twenty eleven, Roseanne announced she’d be running for president in the third party.
She went to the Green Party but lost that nomination to Jill Stein. She still ran and got sixty seven thousand writing votes. Wow. Julia Luis Dreyfus told Fox she used AI to write an acceptance speech, but the AI thought Julia Luis Dreyfus was Julia Roberts j LD. Was the honoree at the Wall Street Journal magazine twenty twenty three Innovator Awards.
Her speech wet like this. As an entertainment innovator, I am very very busy innovating, So I did what any other innovator where her assault would do. I turned to chat GPT four ladies and gentlemen, is Steam guests and fellow investors. Today is a movement of profound gratitude and reflection for me as I accept the great honor of being recognized as the Investor of the Year by the Wall Street Journal. That got some laughs.
Reflecting on this milestone, I’m reminded of the unwavering support of my family and the unyielding dedication of my team that has been the driving force behind my investment strategies. And my performance is in Aaron Brockovich, Pretty Women and Mystic Pizza. And that’s your comedy news for today. If you like the show, tell somebody about it theym I like it too, and I’ll see you here tomorrow. You can listen on Apple podcasts, Spotify, overcast podcasts, YouTube, wherever you get shows.
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