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The Shark Deck. I’m Johnny Mack with your Daily Comedy News. Did you hear about the bank crisis? Stephen Gobert said, it’s pretty bad when the very first time you ever hear from bank is when they’re going out of business. Jimmy Fallon said, Biden try to put everyone at ease.
He said, don’t worry. I got through the first great depression. I’ll get through this one. Fallon again. In response, Trump said it’s times like these where we need a president with experience of multiple bankruptcies.
Johnny Mack, is it a slow newsday? Why? Yes? Why do you ask? Let’s check in with chat chept Mitch Hedberg.
I asked the computer write some jokes in the style of Mitch Hedberg about a slow newsday. I’d turned on the news this morning. The top stories about guy I found a potato looked like Elvis. That’s not news, that’s a side dish. I was watching the news and they had a story about guy who set world record for you the most pancakes in one minute.
I mean, I’m am pressed. I think he’s fine. New Hobby heard out the News Day that had to do a segment on squirrel who learned how to water ski. I mean happy for the squirrel at all, But I don’t think that’s going to make the history books. Sorry, that’s ridiculous.
Firm Rolling Stone, is it a slow newsday, Johnny Mack? Yes, why do you ask? Apparently Kevin Hart has become a meme a Rolling Stone rights. My name is Kevin Hart and I work hard, reads the Twitter bio of comedian Kevin Hart. You can’t tony the hustle Hard consistently ranks among the highest paid comedians, collaborates with big names on high profile movie projects, and, through his two separate production companies, maintains a dizzying number of partnerships envelopment deals.
Oh and last year he launched a tequila brand. By now, there are almost as many tweets from people expressing confusion at the Kevin Hart reactions as there are as images of the man himself. One Twitter user said, no way Kevin Hart got this many pictures. Another tweeted these are like the new age stock photos. The third said there’s a picture of him doing everything.
Anyone who complains that the concept isn’t funny can expect to be embarded with hard picks and their replies, truly, there’s no escape. Even Kevin Hart is confused. He asked on Instagram, can somebody tell me why I’m trending? I got listen memes being sent to my damn phone from a bunch of my dumbass friends. This seems to have started back in December.
A picture of Heart raising his hands to the camera went viral. It’s as if the picture says, don’t blame me or take it easy. Rolling Stone quotes body language an emotional intelligent expert doctor Jack Brown, who says a comedian will use melodramatic, hyperbolic body language as a way to prime their fans tendency to default in the laughter. So that’s why you laugh at the Kevin Hart meme? Is it a slow newsday?
Why do you ask? From Kataku? Ai Seinfeld is back on Switch Baby, but without Seinfeld parentheses, and fans are upset clothes parentheses? All right, what’s going on here? Remember the Ai Seinfeld touch you about?
I think it was like three weeks ago. Well they brought it back, but no more. Larry Feinberg, Larry Feinberg was the fake Jerry and what they are now calling season one. Larry Feinberg is gone. The new lead is Leo Borgius, a glasses wearing guy who still kind of sort of looks like Seinfeld, but instead of being a stand up comedian, Leo is a block who starts every episode by writing a post on his website about a totally random subject.
One time he blogged about the philosophical meeting of the early Bird gets the Worm. Another time he posted about his desire for crispy bacon more bad news. It’s not just Larry who’s different. The first season’s creamer, who was named Zoltan, is now Nick Sterling Boy Vanilla, and Elaine has become Kelly Coffee. George is now Manfred Freeman, but has not yet made an appearance in season two.
As a record this the laugh tracks are still present. The characters still hang around the apartment, but now the characters seem to mostly talk about a pizza place they never actually visit. One Twitter user said, I don’t know, man, it feels like the soul has been sucked out and this is some cheap knockoff. Jenny Mack is a slow news day, Yeah, why do you ask the things? Dot com or wrote, what is Jerry Seinfeld like?
In person. Fans have conflicting views. I’ll go first. I met Jerry Seinfeld exactly once he came up to do Jim Brewer’s show. Wait, did I meet Jerry twice?
I might have met Jerry a second time when he did Tompo the show. But the one I’m thinking of is meeting Jerry in the lobby of serious XM. Jerry is fine. He’s not looking to be your friend. He’s not looking to hang out with you.
He’s not rude. He’s aloof in the way that you probably would think he’s aloof. You know, he shows up and go, hey, mister Seinfeld, are doing all right? You know it. Doesn’t want to be bothered, doesn’t want to hang out, doesn’t want to be a friend.
But he’s not a jerk. One civilian who met Jerry Seinfeld said, I met Jerry this year. He was a guest at my hotel. He’s got a very dead on attractive confidence that makes some people think he’s too arrogant. He’s not.
He’s just confident. Another civilian said, I have never met a soul more entrenched with the idea of spreading fun. He loves smiling and making others laugh. It’s as if though he’s always on stage. I became his fan after meeting him.
That was not my experience, but I’m glad you had a good time with Jerry. A third civilian said, Jerry came at a stand up New York comedy club to perform right after the last episode of Seinfeld. All right, check your calendars. That’s thirty years ago. He’s a great guy, talked to other comedians, not a diva, and pretty much the same person he played on Seinfeld.
All right, that’s a little dated. My wife worked in the hospitality industry. Again. I met Jerry fifteen years ago, maybe more. At this point, my wife worked in the hospitality industry, and he was one of those guys who would demand that no one looked at him directly.
If you spoke to him, you had to look at the wall. He actually used the phrase do you know who I am? Not my experience at all. I’m not going to call anyone a liar an exaggerator, but that was not, not, not, not the vibe I got from Jerry at all. This person said, I get it.
Everywhere you go, people staring that gets to you. You also have a half billion dollars to He’s the pain wasn’t my experience at all with Jerry Let’s check in and gossip Corner. Is it a slow newsday, Johnny mack Eliza Sleshinger turned forty. How did she celebrate? We had kind of a rave at a warehouse with like eighty people.
It was awesome. But the raves when you’re forty are a little more curated than when you’re twenty. We had nice cocktails and professional face painters, not just people drooling in the corners sweating beat. Davidson has moved out of his bachelor pad in Brooklyn. Yeah, Pete Davidson in Brooklyn, That’s not a thing.
He just belongs on Staten Island. He’s the mayor of Staaten Islands, where he belongs. The Killer Pantal says. The Neuropost sits on top of a nondescript four story building at forty six Old Fulton Street. The penthouse comes with four bedrooms and three and a half baths, along with a massive fifteen hundred square foot roof deck and private garden with an outdoor kitchen.
It’s also private garage and a keyed elevator. And Will Farrell stopped at the Big Texan on his quote road trip documentary. He was in Amario last weekend. He stopped by the Big Texan restaurant. They live stream him apparently.
Why Texans hit me in the comments. What don’t I understand about the Big Texan. I’m a dumb New Yorker. I don’t get at wiser restaurant live streaming. You can yell at me, can call me stupid yankee.
I don’t care. I want to know about this. My contact information is in the show notes. I want to know about this anyway. The restaurant’s live streams showed Will Ferrell dressed as Sherlock Holmes and he was there for the famous seventy two ound steak challenge.
A Big Texan employee announced, we have Sherlock Holmes all the way from London, England. He is one hour to eat a seventy two ounces steak. Now, the story didn’t reveal if Sherlock Holmes Will Farrell completed or not. It seems like a big part of the story. Huh.
I’m googling to find out. I don’t see it, but I did learn the current record for the seventy two ounces steak challenges. Molly Schuyler did it in four minutes twenty two seconds. Look, fa q, the Big Texan Steak rams. Let’s do this.
Does the Big Texan take reservations? No? Is there truck parking? Yes? Can I order to go?
Yes? How much is the steak if I don’t finish it in time? Seventy two dollars including tax. Can I order the seventy two out steak and not to the challenge? Yes, However the price is higher than the challenge price.
Do I have to eat all the sides as well as the seventy two out steak? Yes? To complete the challenge? All sides must be finished in the hour as well. Can I bring my dog?
Service? Dogs are welcome? The Big Texan asked that all other furry friends sit outside at the beer garden. M here’s an fa q. I really haven’t clicked on it yet.
The question how big is a seventy two out steak? The answer four and a half pounds of top Sirloine. I would have gone with seventy. Oh. Look, here’s the live stream.
I’m going to click on it now. Alrighty, I see a grill and a table and no one seemed to be sitting there. But it’s in the morning. As I record this, see somebody grilling up some steaks. This is kind of fun if it’s a slow newsday where you are Big Texan dot Com.
They also have a YouTube live channel. Anyway, a guy named de’angelo and his wife Erica were at Starbucks and a friend messaged them and said, hey, Will Farrell’s at the Big Text and so they had a straight to the restaurant, hoping to catch a glimpse of Will Farrell. De’angelo posted on Facebook, Will Farrell’s into Amario. After Farrell left the restaurant and an suv de’angelo haunt Will Farrell waved at him. D’Angelo said, I was the first one in line of traffic and he waved right heavy.
Earlier in the day, Will ferret will spot it at the Clothes Exchange Clothes with a Z, A spokesman from the Clothes with his Z Exchange said, Will Farrell decided he wanted to shop at a thrift store, so he googled thrift stores and we were the first to come up. He bought some jewelry, socks and a T shirt. Will also ate lunch at Mexican Lindo. These spokespeople at Mexican. Lindo’s said will Farrell ordered a Guadalajara plate, which is a chicken enchilada plate with rinchera sauce top with sa cream and guacamoli and rice and beans.
The production crew ordered enchiladas and taco salad fajitas. The restaurant spokesperson said will Farrell was very humble and down to earth, sweets all the staff as well as his crew. Is it a slow news stag? John Podcasters? This is where you earn your money.
Can you pull out a fifteen minute episode when you got nothing? Which reminds me there’s a great story about Mets Hall of Famer at Tom sever Laton Sever’s career. I think he was with the White Sox when the story takes place. So he’s like forty forty one years old when this happens, and he’s out there and he’s pitching and he’s Tom Sever, but he doesn’t have his best stuff that day, and the pitching coach comes out and it’s like, Tom, you got garbage today? And Sever goes yeah, but they don’t know that.
That’s how I feel about today’s podcast, except I’ve told you nine times I got today. Hey, shout out to Fat Guy who loves cake. He shot me an email and as a listener. Thanks Fat Guy, and also to Richard who shot me a note over the weekend. And Richard is a premium subscriber on Apple Podcast.
So I have finally found out the name of one of the Apple Premium subscribers, and that reminds me to plug how you could support the show. There two ways. One go to Apple Podcast. They’ll put the option on under your nose. You’ve become a premium subscriber like Richard did for five bucks a month.
Or there’s an annual thing you can do fifty bucks and give you the whole year. You get the episodes early and commercial free. So say there was no news at all and you’re like, I can’t wait till tomorrow to find out there’s no news at all. I need to know that today. You would get the episode early, right, So thank you Richard for doing that.
You can also go to buy meacoffee dot com. Oh, I have my prop today, buy me coffee dot com slash Daily Comedy News. Either a couple of bucks on the Tip show, or I will take your money. I go to the National Donuts chain and I pick up my large ice coffee with caramel and almond milk. Waits, did I actual only switch back?
No? I didn’t. Okay, sometimes I have to like restart on the app and I mess up and I go back to regular milk, and then I’m like, I feel kind of today. And that’s why Friend of the Show Dan Bublitz Junior was on the Facebook group, which is Daily Comedy News podcast group, and he said, I hope History of the World Part two makes the top ten list because it’s hilarious. Dan reminded me, I forgot to watch it.
I meant to watch it over the weekend. I got distracted. I went on another Yellowstone tier. I have completed Yellowstones, so if you want to talk about Yellowstone, you can email me. I’ll talk to you about Yellowstone, big fan.
I also have not yet, but it’s a plan for tonight. Watched Bert Kreisher’s new special. The folks at Martin cid dot com did see it. Minor spoiler here. It won’t kill you.
It’s just the first three seconds literally, and they write Bert Kreisher spoilers introduces himself to the audience with a point in hand and with a shirt on that barely last three seconds. Bert Kreisher has the audience eating out of his hand from the get go with his jokes about underwear that snags on things and his jokes about bumpkins. Kracked has a longer review against spoilers coming up here, and they write Bert Kreisher is full of cocktails and helling at the moon, often at school activities while the other parents look on slack. Jawn Kreisher opens the show by taking the stage in a conservative button down shirt and ribs it open to reveal his superpowered party belly CGI buttons, flying a camera as if he’s saying, if I’m gonna grow up, it won’t be tonight. Mother Effer’s Krak says it’s not to say the volume on Kreischer’s life hasn’t been turned down a notch or two.
His stories now take glaze and decidedly more domestic locations instead of Russian trains. He’s now causing havoc and family restaurants and escape rooms. He has his own version of domestic bliss, but it involves handing his wife a pocket knife and asking her to trim the matted hair from between his but cheeks. Yeah, you’re welcome for that visual image. You’re thinking about it right now.
I’m going to keep making you think of it. I can’t believe you’re thinking about that. Yuck. Oh you’re still thinking about it, Aren’t you? Move on?
Johnny Mack. If anything, Bert Kreischer’s new special seems to say he’s invited his wife and kids to the party, but honestly the sworts material is straight out of Jim Gaffigan, which is more f bombs and alcohol. Wow. Interesting. At last week’s Power of Comedy event, Mike Lawrence was one of the hosts along with Nick Thune, and he joked he had to show more id when registering to get his south By Southwest conference badge than he would have to buy a gun.
The joke in Texas, it’s harder to get a festival badge than to get a gun. Go to a gun store and tell him I hate Jews. You get a gun, Go to the registration and say I’m an artist. They’ll question you. Eric Andre was there and he picked up the cult’s favorite award and said, I’ve been trapped on adult Swim for over a decade.
You guys got to get me out of there. I need to start making more than three hundred bucks a week. The sponsor of the evening was Inspired Brands, which is the parent company of Arby’s Sonic Duncan, Buffalo Wild Wings, Jimmy John’s at Baskin Robbins. I’d tell you that to set up this joke from Patton Oswalt, who said, I’ll keep this brief because I have to go accept the People Magazine, Chips, Ahoy, Flame and Hot Cheeto’s Comedy Vanguard Award over at the Velveta Room. That’s your comedy news for today.
I’m gonna do the CGI thing from Vulture that I started and haven’t gotten back to. But look, look at the clock. Look how much I made out of nothing today. That’s like forty one year old tom sever going six and a third with two it’s and having nothing. I’m proud of myself.
I’m getting out on top. See you tomorrow. Hello. I am Mark France’s host of a daily podcast about the British royal family called Palace Intrigue. Did you see what Megan Michael did in her latest documentary or what Prince Harry said in his new book While the Kings and Queens and Princes and princesses are ready to explode, Andrew is ready to implode.
Royal sources are jumping at the bit. The inlaws just can’t stop. The UK tabloids are about to burst. Americans can’t get enough, the kids can’t get any cut, the press can’t get any uglier. And Wills and Kate, well, they’re just wonderful.
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